Friends, Romans, countrymen and fans of Chris Moyles.
Once again the Brit Awards are upon us, being televised later this week, hosted by the ubiquitous yet strangely unfunny James Corden, who is apparently donating his entire fee for hosting the event to Comic Relief. Well, he'd have only spent it on pies otherwise. Here's my predictions for this year's categories, along with who my personal selections would be.
BEST MALE (Mark Ronson, Paul Weller, Plan B, Robert Plant, Tinie Tempah)
Well, Tinie Tempah holds the distinction this year of being nominated for 4 awards, which past history tells us probably means he will end up winning none of the awards for which he has been shortlisted. Personally, I'd disqualify him on the grounds that his name alone has a negative impact on the standard of literacy in schools. Plan B has had what would be termed a major breakthrough year. So much so that you wonder just how successful he could have been had he stuck to Plan A. Mark Ronson as usual released some kind of experimental album where he probably mixed the Uzbekistani national anthem with an early 90s dance classic, while I was blissfully unaware of Paul Weller releasing anything last year. Strange but refreshing to see this category Robbie Williams free, but somewhat disappointing that Fyfe Dangerfield who contributed the cover version of 'She's Always A Woman To Me' to the John Lewis advert, taken from a pretty impressive debut solo album, was overlooked in this category. You'd have to say that Plan B and the rapper with the glasses and the misspelt short fuse are the 2 likely winners here, but I'm sticking to the formbook and giving this to Plan B.
MY PREDICTION: Plan B MY SELECTION: In the absence of Fyfe Dangerfield, probably Plan B
BEST BRITISH FEMALE (Cheryl Cole, Ellie Goulding, Laura Marling, Paloma Faith, Rumer)
Hmm, this is a tricky one to call because all of these acts have their supporters and their individual merits. In fact, it is some indictment of the strength around at the moment amongst the female of the species that Adele who has just returned with a new album was not nominated, and neither were Corinne Bailey Rae, Amy MacDonald or KT Tunstall, who each had prolific years in 2010. Cheryl Cole seems to be something of a national treasure these days, although I think that is more for her aesthetic qualities rather than her musical ones. Ellie Goulding is certainly becoming popular in the mainstream, although I personally thought her rendition of 'Your Song' butchered Elton John's original. Laura Marling is quite well known in the folk music scene which is flourishing at the moment, but I would be surprised to see her win the popular vote here. Paloma Faith being nominated will get people excited as she is bound to wear a big hat for the occasion. Musically, Rumer is the best nominee out of all of these as she has an excellent, soulful voice, but for all that, she has had limited commercial success which you tend to need in order to win one of these awards. Cheryl Cole's status as the Queen of Hearts gives her a big chance, but I have an inkling Ellie Goulding's status as the 'in thing' at the moment gives her the edge in this category.
MY PREDICTION: Ellie Goulding MY SELECTION: Rumer
BEST BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH ACT (Ellie Goulding, Mumford & Sons, Rumer, Tinie Tempah, The XX)
This was an award that I believe Florence & The Machine bagged last year and it was significant that the year before, Florence had won the Critics' Choice award, an award that in 2010 was won by....Ellie Goulding. I would say that award is a good barometer for who wins this award the following year because the critics do play a part in making the music buying public aware of new acts. That said, Ms Goulding is up against some very stiff competition in this category. There is a school of thought that Tinie Tempah has to win at least one of the awards he is up for, especially given his consistent chart success last year which helps to pay some of the judging panel's wages. Then there is The XX, an electronic meets indie band that won last year's Mercury Music Prize. That tends not to be a good barometer for the Brits, however. As much as it is good to see Rumer recognised again in this category, I think the biggest challenge to Ellie Goulding here comes from Mumford & Sons, a folk rock band who went down a storm at all of the festivals last summer and who released their excellent debut album 'Sigh No More' at the beginning of last year. You may well claim to not know any of their tracks, but you will do at least on a subconscious level, as the instrumental sections of their tracks have regularly been used for TV trails and on programmes like 'Countryfile'. They should scoop one award on the night, but I think it might come elsewhere.
MY PREDICTION: Ellie Goulding MY SELECTION: Mumford & Sons
BEST BRITISH GROUP (Gorillaz, Biffy Clyro, Mumford & Sons, Take That, The XX)
It is a sign of the times when Take That being nominated for this category is the least controversial selection. There have been some strange choices in this category. How do Gorillaz get nominated when they are still, in the most part, a cartoon band? Biffy Clyro are a poor man's AC/DC yet they have got nominated purely because the X-Factor winner released a lame cover version of one of their already lame songs. Yet, the Manic Street Preachers release some of their best material in over a decade, and they are strangely overlooked. This looks like a straight fight between Take That and Mumford & Sons and given Take That's mainstream appeal these days where it is does not damage your credibility to admit to liking a couple of their songs even if you are a male, balding, approaching middle age office worker, then it would be surprising to see the odds-on favourite fall at the final fence here in a weak renewal of this category.
MY PREDICTION: Take That MY SELECTION: Mumford & Sons
BEST BRITISH SINGLE (Alexandra Burke & Pitbull - All Night Long, Cheryl Cole - Parachute, Florence & The Machine - You've Got The Love, Matt Cardle - When We Collide, Olly Murs - Please Don't Let Me Go, Plan B - She Said, Scouting For Girls - This Ain't A Love Song, Taio Cruz - Dynamite, Tinie Tempah - Pass Out, The Wanted - All Time Low)
The Wanted inadvertently provide an apt description of this category in their nominated song title, although this category will always reflect buyer behaviour in the charts and as such, the nominees are largely dominated by commercial pop records. The songs that have been nominated are generally what would make the A-playlist on Heart or Juice FM. Looking at this objectively, I would put a line through Alexandra Burke, Matt Cardle, Scouting For Girls and Taio Cruz's chances of winning. Also, Florence & The Machine's nominated song was released over a year ago, which places her at a disadvantage, plus it was also one of her weaker songs. Scouting For Girls will be disqualified on the grounds that the judging panel would not have been able to differentiate their song from anything else they have released. So that leaves the angry, bespectacled rapper who showed how hardcore he was by name-checking Scunthorpe in one of his songs, Her Royal Highness Dame Cheryl Cole, Olly Murs, Plan B and The Wanted. It really is needle in a haystack time here, but I'm sure there must be some law stating that Cheryl Cole must win at least one award on the night, so it will probably be this one, although Olly Murs might be her biggest threat.
MY PREDICTION: Cheryl Cole MY SELECTION: Plan B
BEST BRITISH ALBUM (Plan B, Mumford & Sons, Take That, Tinie Tempah, The XX)
Well, last year when this category's nominees were announced, I identified that I had listened to none of the nominated albums during the course of the year. This year, I have listened to one album in full (Mumford & Sons) and downloaded half of another album (The XX), so as Take That say in the title of their nomination, that's Progress. Nonetheless, there are some notable absentees from this category. The Manics, The Courteeners, Fyfe Dangerfield, Klaxons and Rumer all released albums last year that were worthy of inclusion. Of those that have been nominated, it would be surprising if Take That were to claim this award as they are not really renowned as a group that release life affirming albums, but are more of a singles group. Tinie Tempah and Plan B's albums were among the most successful commercially last year, while the XX had a critically acclaimed one. Crucially though, Mumford & Sons appear to have the album that bridged the gap between commercial sales and critical acclaim, and they have led a trend that has seen folk rock become popular on the radio again. For that reason, I mark them down as favourites in this category, although Plan B looks likely to be the other main contender.
MY PREDICTION: Mumford & Sons MY SELECTION: Mumford & Sons
INTERNATIONAL MALE SOLO ARTIST (Cee-Lo Green, Bruce Springsteen, David Guetta, Eminem, Kanye West)
I am going to hold my hands up and admit to my complete ignorance in not knowing who one of these nominees is, David Guetta. He sounds like he was the third choice, unused goalkeeper in Spain's World Cup winning squad. Due to his anonymity, I am anticipating that the Brits Panel aren't that familiar with him either, so I'm putting a line through him. Bruce Springsteen, music legend though he has been, is surely only nominated to remind the general public that his pulse remained intact into 2011. Although I don't profess to be an aficianado where the rap scene is concerned, I don't recall 2010 being a vintage year for Eminem and while I dare say Kanye West was kept busy on the collaboration front, I don't think it was his defining year either. In contrast, Cee-Lo Green seemed to be everywhere last year with his first major solo project and he enjoyed quite a lot of chart success too. Therefore, I think the man who may be a distant relative of Shrek's will be far from a donkey on Brits Night.
MY PREDICTION: Cee-Lo Green MY SELECTION: Cee-Lo Green
INTERNATIONAL FEMALE SOLO ARTIST (Kylie Minogue, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Alicia Keys, Robyn)
If this category was won purely on the basis of airplay and TV appearances, the presence of New York's favourite warbling ivory tinkler, Alicia Keys, would surely determine the result in her favour. She is not without a chance but she is up against some big hitters. At the risk of sounding like the Pub Landlord, everyone likes a bit of Kylie, don't they? Even so, I think Kylie's best days as a recording artist are probably behind her now and so it is hard to see her winning this award in this year. This looks like a straight fight between Mrs Russell Brand and R&B's favourite promoter of rain protection gear. Katy Perry is a bit of Marmite figure, but whereas I find her to be at least mildly irritating, she certainly has her supporters and she had plenty more chart success last year. The same applies to Rihanna though and I think I am right in saying she has now had a number 1 hit in each of the last 5 years. Expect there to be some fireworks if Ms Perry loses, but I'm calling this one for Rihanna.
MY PREDICTION: Rihanna MY SELECTION: Alicia on the music front, Kylie on the 'all-round package'
INTERNATIONAL BREAKTHROUGH ACT (Bruno Mars, The Glee Cast, The Temper Trap, Justin Bieber, The National)
What an uninspiring collection of misfits we have here! The uncontrolled laughter you could hear was me rolling around in hysterics upon reading that the Glee cast had been nominated. One presumes that the Brit judging panel is largely made up of women. The Temper Trap's nomination is curious given that their big radio friendly hit 'Sweet Disposition' was released the year before last and I don't recall them releasing anything since. The National are a good, up-and-coming indie band who might attract more of a following in the next couple of years, but they are largely unknown by most people in this country at the moment, so it is hard to see them winning. That leaves Bruno Mars and Justin Bieber, and given that he seems to be the latest teen sensation, I'd be surprised if the Bieber juggernaut did not crush everything in its path.
MY PREDICTION: Justin Bieber MY SELECTION: The National
INTERNATIONAL GROUP (Arcade Fire, Black Eyed Peas, Kings Of Leon, The Script, Vampire Weekend)
Looks like a bit of a wide open category here given that none of these acts had what you would term a spectacular 2010. Black Eyed Peas are one of those acts that I've never quite understood how they attract the level of popularity that they have, and I gather that their performance at the Superbowl left a lot to be desired. Kings Of Leon could have made 2010 the year they became the biggest band in the world following on from their previous album, but from what I have heard of their latest material, they are quite some way short of the level they found when 'Use Somebody' and 'Sex On Fire' made it big. The Script are another one in the Scouting For Girls category where most of their songs sound about the same, but they have enjoyed a lot of chart success through churning out lots of dull, radio friendly material. Arcade Fire and Vampire Weekend seem to represent the Q/NME readers with their presence in this category and in what is a close contest, I expect Vampire Weekend's reputation as a good live band to give them the edge over the Canadian rock band, although I personally would give Arcade Fire the nod.
MY PREDICTION: Vampire Weekend MY SELECTION: Arcade Fire
INTERNATIONAL ALBUM (Arcade Fire, Cee Lo Green, Eminem, Katy Perry, Kings Of Leon)
I don't have a lot of personal insight to offer in this category as I have only downloaded tracks from 2 of the nominated albums (Arcade Fire and Kings Of Leon). However, I would anticipate there being a lot of excess filler on a Katy Perry album judging by some of the dirge that her record company persuaded her to release as single cuts. While I am not best placed to appraise the finer workings of Kings Of Leon's latest long play, I have not heard anything particularly inspiring that was released from it. While I'm guessing that lesser known Eminem album tracks probably consisted of a disproprortionately high percentage of cursory invective. That then leaves Arcade Fire and Cee Lo Green, and while Arcade Fire had more critical acclaim, the Reverend Green (I'm not sure he is actually a man of the cloth) has had more mainstream exposure and chart success, so I can see him winning his second award here.
MY PREDICTION: Cee Lo Green MY SELECTION: Arcade Fire
CRITICS' CHOICE (Jessie J, James Blake, The Vaccines)
This award has already been decided with the singer-songwriter Jessie J guaranteed to collect the award on the night. That immediately marks her down as someone to look out for in some of the more senior categories in 12 months time. I am not familiar with her work, or that of the 2 nominees. James Blake seems to have had a career change from the days when he was a bandana wearing, American tennis player that won the pre-Wimbledon Queens Club tournament one year, although judging by his photo, he may also have had a head change since then too. The Vaccines doesn't exactly seem like a very rock and roll name, does it?
In addition to these awards, there is also an award for Best Producer, but your guess on that one is as good as mine. A couple of awards are conspicuous by their absence this year though. There's no 'Best Live Act', which is surprising given the number of festivals there are now. Nor is there a 'Lifetime Achievement' category this year, presumably because they have run out of credible people to give that award to. Surely a band like Texas, back in the recording studio after 20 years in the business, would be a worthy future candidate for that award if it is brought back.
Sunday, 13 February 2011
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Playlists 47 to 51 - I
These are the latest sets of alphabet influenced playlists that I have listened to on my travels in the past couple of weeks. These last 5 playlists have completed the letter I, which resulted in 123 songs beginning with that letter being played, the most of any letter so far. As ever, each playlist has conjured up a diverse mixture of old and new songs and tracks from mainstream and less household names. Playlist number 48 must ranks among the best to date and was appropriately played on 8 December, the thirtieth anniversary of John Lennon's murder, given that this playlist includes arguably his finest (and certainly most iconic) solo track, as well as one of The Beatles' best ever compositions. Some great tracks by The Cure, Oasis, The Manics, Amy Winehouse and even REM (who I don't usually like) make this one of my personal favourite playlists to date. Refer below to see which of these latest playlists tickles your fancy.
PLAYLIST #47 (Brighton to Croydon train journey)
Garbage - I Think I'm Paranoid
Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line
The Stone Roses - I Wanna Be Adored
Prince - I Wanna Be Your Lover
Queen - I Want It All
Embrace - I Want The World
The White Stripes - I Want To Be The Boy
Queen - I Want To Break Free
Kooks - I Want You Back
Stevie Wonder - I Was Made To Love Her
Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker
Port O'Brien - I Woke Up Today
Sharleen Spiteri - I Wonder
Corinne Bailey Rae - I Would Like To Call It Beauty
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Idolness Of The Gods
PLAYLIST #48 (Croydon to Brighton train journey)
Sharleen Spiteri - If I Can't Have You
Jack Johnson - If I Could
Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy
Kooks - If Only
Snow Patrol - If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Matchbox Twenty - If You're Gone
Simply Red - If You Don't Know Me By Now
Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next
REM - Imitation Of Life
Oasis - The Importance Of Being Idle
The Cure - In Between Days
Texas - In Demand
U2 - In God's Country
Amy Winehouse - In My Bed
The Beatles - In My Life
Moby - In My Heart
John Lennon - Imagine
PLAYLIST #49 (London Victoria to Faversham train journey)
Dodgy - In A Room
Coldplay - In My Place
The Last Shadow Puppets - In My Room
Texas - In Our Lifetime
Alanis Morissette - In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man
The Eagles - In The City
The Coral - In The Forest
Dolores O'Riordan - In The Garden
Razorlight - In The Morning
The Rasmus - In The Shadows
Dirty Vegas - In This Life
Moby - In This World
Sleeper - Inbetweener
Massive Attack - Inertia Creeps
Neill MacColl & Kathryn Williams - Innocent When You Dream
Queen - Innuendo
Texas - Inner Smile
PLAYLIST #50 (Faversham to London Victoria train journey)
Texas - Insane
Moby - Inside
Stiltskin - Inside
John Lennon - Instant Karma
Crowded House - Instinct
Crystal Castles - Intimate
Madonna - Into The Groove
Rebecca Helmer - Intrigued
Feist - Intuition
Muse - Invincible
Morrissey - Irish Blood English Heart
The Thrills - The Irish Keep Gatecrashing
Bob Marley - Iron Lion Zion
Alanis Morissette - Ironic
Sade - Is It A Crime?
Joe Jackson - Is She Really Going Out With Him?
Squeeze - Is That Love?
Weezer - Island In The Sun
The xx - Islands
Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely
PLAYLIST #51 (London Victoria to Brighton train journey)
Queen - It's A Hard Life
AC/DC - It's A Long Way To The Top
James Brown - It's A Man's Man's Man's World
Garbage - It's All Over But The Crying
The Rolling Stones - It's All Over Now
Oasis - It's Gettin' Better (Man!)
Talk Talk - It's My Life
Glasvegas - It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry
Klaxons - It's Not Over Yet
Manic Street Preachers - (It's Not War) Just The End Of Love
Simply Red - It's Only Love
Crowded House - It's Only Natural
The Rolling Stones - It's Only Rock N' Roll
James Brown - It's Too Funky In Here
The White Stripes - It's True That We Love One Another
John Legend - It Don't Have To Change
Madness - It Must Be Love
Sharleen Spiteri - It Was You
PLAYLIST #47 (Brighton to Croydon train journey)
Garbage - I Think I'm Paranoid
Johnny Cash - I Walk The Line
The Stone Roses - I Wanna Be Adored
Prince - I Wanna Be Your Lover
Queen - I Want It All
Embrace - I Want The World
The White Stripes - I Want To Be The Boy
Queen - I Want To Break Free
Kooks - I Want You Back
Stevie Wonder - I Was Made To Love Her
Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker
Port O'Brien - I Woke Up Today
Sharleen Spiteri - I Wonder
Corinne Bailey Rae - I Would Like To Call It Beauty
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Idolness Of The Gods
PLAYLIST #48 (Croydon to Brighton train journey)
Sharleen Spiteri - If I Can't Have You
Jack Johnson - If I Could
Sheryl Crow - If It Makes You Happy
Kooks - If Only
Snow Patrol - If There's A Rocket Tie Me To It
Matchbox Twenty - If You're Gone
Simply Red - If You Don't Know Me By Now
Manic Street Preachers - If You Tolerate This Your Children Will Be Next
REM - Imitation Of Life
Oasis - The Importance Of Being Idle
The Cure - In Between Days
Texas - In Demand
U2 - In God's Country
Amy Winehouse - In My Bed
The Beatles - In My Life
Moby - In My Heart
John Lennon - Imagine
PLAYLIST #49 (London Victoria to Faversham train journey)
Dodgy - In A Room
Coldplay - In My Place
The Last Shadow Puppets - In My Room
Texas - In Our Lifetime
Alanis Morissette - In Praise Of The Vulnerable Man
The Eagles - In The City
The Coral - In The Forest
Dolores O'Riordan - In The Garden
Razorlight - In The Morning
The Rasmus - In The Shadows
Dirty Vegas - In This Life
Moby - In This World
Sleeper - Inbetweener
Massive Attack - Inertia Creeps
Neill MacColl & Kathryn Williams - Innocent When You Dream
Queen - Innuendo
Texas - Inner Smile
PLAYLIST #50 (Faversham to London Victoria train journey)
Texas - Insane
Moby - Inside
Stiltskin - Inside
John Lennon - Instant Karma
Crowded House - Instinct
Crystal Castles - Intimate
Madonna - Into The Groove
Rebecca Helmer - Intrigued
Feist - Intuition
Muse - Invincible
Morrissey - Irish Blood English Heart
The Thrills - The Irish Keep Gatecrashing
Bob Marley - Iron Lion Zion
Alanis Morissette - Ironic
Sade - Is It A Crime?
Joe Jackson - Is She Really Going Out With Him?
Squeeze - Is That Love?
Weezer - Island In The Sun
The xx - Islands
Stevie Wonder - Isn't She Lovely
PLAYLIST #51 (London Victoria to Brighton train journey)
Queen - It's A Hard Life
AC/DC - It's A Long Way To The Top
James Brown - It's A Man's Man's Man's World
Garbage - It's All Over But The Crying
The Rolling Stones - It's All Over Now
Oasis - It's Gettin' Better (Man!)
Talk Talk - It's My Life
Glasvegas - It's My Own Cheating Heart That Makes Me Cry
Klaxons - It's Not Over Yet
Manic Street Preachers - (It's Not War) Just The End Of Love
Simply Red - It's Only Love
Crowded House - It's Only Natural
The Rolling Stones - It's Only Rock N' Roll
James Brown - It's Too Funky In Here
The White Stripes - It's True That We Love One Another
John Legend - It Don't Have To Change
Madness - It Must Be Love
Sharleen Spiteri - It Was You
Saturday, 4 December 2010
A winter warmer
Hello everyone.
I trust you have been enjoying the snow and ice of the past couple of weeks, either indulging in some well earned duvet days or guiding the most reliable method of transport during the cold snap, namely the sledge. Unfortunately some of us live close enough to our employer that we were not excused work on the grounds of inclemency. And I hope that none you experienced the kind of cold hearted, wicked crime that was reported by one Kent woman, who called emergency services to report the theft of her snowman, crafted by her own fair hands. As if this act of cruel opportunism was not enough, the woman suffered the further indignity of having her telephone call passed on to the media to highlight the waste on emergency resources. Give the woman a carrot. And maybe some coal.
Anyway, time to digest some of the other news stories of recent times.
Twenty-two unwise men
So, Thursday 2 December saw the result that the country had long been waiting for. Or, at least it did if the country concerned was Qatar. Football's world governing body FIFA announced the results of the Cypriot jury, sorry the results from its Executive Committee and the results spelt bad news for the English delegates and media corps. Predictably, the English reaction to a defeat was measured and philosophical, with every tabloid paper exhibiting the kind of imperialist, xenophobic stereotypes one hoped had been wiped out a generation ago.
As the wreckage of England's latest humiliating defeat was surveyed, several post-mortems were carried out as to how exactly England achieved just 2 votes from FIFA's assembled motley crew of 22 men, with one of those votes being cast by England's own representative. Many pointed to the Panorama documentary that the BBC screened just three days before the vote, while others suggested that it was because England's bid presentation was so polished, that FIFA decided to look to a land of Eastern promise, oil and gold reserves to stage the tournament instead.
First things first here. England actually reached the last four in the bidding rights for staging the 2018 competition. On recent form, that is actually progress for England, given that the last time they reached the semis in the World Cup, Nessun Dorma was all the rage and Paul Gascoigne had got too closely acquainted with Onion Bhajis. Maybe if future World Cup bids are decided by an in-house paper, scissors, stone competition, then football coming home will be a shoo-in.
Wisecracking aside, there is no point in applying logic to FIFA's decision making powers. Just as you are advised not to reason with terrorists, there is no point in arriving at a meaningful or logical conclusion in how FIFA makes its decisions, other than to say that the country's approval rating with FIFA appears to be even lower than its approval rating with Eurovision. What we can at least be certain of is that FIFA's decision to award the World Cup to Russia was not made for pure footballing reasons. FIFA made clear that the English delegation made the best technical bid and the strongest presentation, and also identified that the two countries that posed the greatest risk in hosting the tournaments in 2018 and 2022 were Russia and Qatar, the two countries that ended up winning the day. Just like the girl that is always drawn to the bad boys, FIFA clearly like a challenge.
From what I have read and seen of the bidding process, I certainly felt that England presented the strongest business case for hosting the 2018 World Cup. The beautiful game has a rich heritage and tradition within England, with the world's oldest professional club found within these shores and the oldest cup competition being played here too. But in the here and now, England also has the infrastructure and the transport links in place to host such a grand scale sporting event, as well as having most of its stadia already built and spread throughout a wide area of the country. Sure, the cynics will scoff at the transport point and say that the trains will struggle at the first sign of snow or rain, but the point is that in usual circumstances, you can usually travel from one major city at one end of the country to a major city at the other end within a matter of two or three hours. The sport's place within the DNA of English society, factored in with the transport links and purpose-built stadia all appeared to add up to the most robust package in the field.
The English party's attitude to presenting on match day to FIFA's suited and booted seasoned internationals also seemed to tick all the boxes of how to win friends and influence people. The English entourage was strong with more household names than Proctor & Gamble in the room. Their posse was headed up by three wise men comprising the man in charge of the country, a future king of the country, plus two toffs who support Aston Villa. Or I may have got part of that wrong.
Whatever one felt about 'Just Call Me Dave' Cameron devoting three days of his time to supporting the bid by being present in Zurich at a time when there are other pressing concerns closer to home like a faltering economy, student mutiny and Ann Widdecombe's continued presence in Strictly Come Dancing to deal with, it certainly makes a strong statement of intent about the country's seriousness in wanting to stage the tournament. But maybe where messrs Cameron, Beckham and Wales could only detect the sweet smell of success, the FIFA delegates present detected the not so pleasant smell of desperation.
It is worth reiterating what I said at the top that I do not think FIFA's decisions in awarding the tournament in either 2018 or 2022 were made on football related grounds. If they were, then England and Australia appeared to be the strongest candidates for each of those tournaments, with both countries being passionate sporting hotbeds and having purpose-built stadia already in place. However, England secured just 2 votes for 2018, while Australia managed only 1 for 2022.
England's shortage of support in FIFA's corridors of power goes much further back beyond the recent Panorama expose and there is a long historical context, one which sees the same levels of mutual contempt in place as is seen between the United Kingdom and the European Union. Although founded in 1903, FIFA was not graced by English presence until 1950, presumably on the grounds that the old school tie brigade that were in charge of the English FA did not think FIFA had anything to teach them. By this stage, England's absence from FIFA meant they missed out in participating in any of the first 3 World Cup tournaments, participating for the Jules Rimet Trophy.
Relations between England and the world's governing body have always been a little strained, but this has been particularly apparent during the reign of current FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, a man whose innovative ideas for his favourite sport have been unsurpassed given that he once suggested that women footballers should be encouraged to remove their shirts when scoring a goal, while he is continually opposed to introducing any sensible form of goal-line technology. Blatter, however, has a vice like grip on FIFA and it was his words that allegedly saw FIFA's other delegates withdrawing their support for England.
There are those that would argue that England's lack of love in FIFA corridors is due to their perceived arrogance and conceit and that banging on about having invented the game irritates FIFA. There is some truth in this and we have to accept that just because football has a strong heritage in this country, our country does not have the monopoly on heritage, and therefore has no divine right to host the World Cup. As an island nation, we are sometimes insular when it comes to appreciating what other countries bring to the table. However, England’s lack of friends in Geneva’s marbled halls is also due to their lack of dexterity in the dark arts of schmoozing and brown nosing.
The dynamics in FIFA appear to share a number of similarities to those that are in place in a Masonic lodge. Much like the Masons, FIFA’s Executive Committee consists exclusively of middle aged men who appreciate a fine dine and a good wine (and maybe a Bryan Adams summer), especially if they are not picking up the tab. The other parallel that is shared with the Masons is that FIFA tend to operate a closed shop. To be influential in decision making, you need to sit within the inner circle. England currently appear to be situated nearer to the Arctic Circle than the inner circle. In Masonic parlance, England’s World Cup bid was black-balled.
The timing of the Panorama documentary that made allegations of vote rigging and other corrupt practices within FIFA was far from ideal from a bidding point of view. There were even some accusations of the BBC being ‘unpatriotic’ in some quarters. But, surely it is the media’s responsibility to uncover any supposed wrongdoing and corruption in order to name and shame the culprits concerned, rather than to sweep it under the carpet. If the BBC did not report this, they would not be fulfilling their journalistic integrity. And it made more sense for them to air the programme three days before the bid rather than six months before or after because the items it uncovered would have a more powerful impact on its audience, with the programme still fresh in the minds of the viewers when Sepp Blatter was on envelope opening duties in Zurich.
The double edged sword to this, of course, is that certain FIFA delegates may have spent their Monday night watching the documentary and choking on their olives, and even those that found alternative recreation will have been aware of the allegations raised. Against this backdrop, you would have hoped that the evidence that the BBC was fresh, relevant and damning, meaning that the FIFA bigwigs were caught red handed, banged to rights. Sadly, however, the Panorama documentary just covered old ground and the total sum of their investigation was to refer to incidents that occurred ten years earlier and which had been reported before. The journalist reporting his findings, a Scotsman by the name of Andrew Jennings so happened to be someone that had been banned from FIFA's premises because of previous accusations he had made. In terms of hard hitting journalism, this was a long way removed from The Cook Report. So much for not sacrificing journalistic integrity, this was as lame an effort as England's showing in South Africa in the summer from a point-scoring journalist with a grudge. The irony of a Scotsman possibly being responsible for England's World Cup bid failing is richer than Roman Abramovich, Bill Gates and Sir Fred Goodwin all being covered in Black Forest Gateau.
This is not to say that Jennings' fundamental point was wrong, of course. This point being that FIFA are corruptible and accountable only to themselves. If anything, the results of the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cup tournaments demonstrates this, as does the bidding process itself. First of all, it does not take a quantum physicist or a brain surgeon to understand that by putting two tournaments up for tender in one foul swoop that this increases the potential for corruptibility because it allows for the kind of back-scratching and horsetrading between delegates where deals are done to suit both parties. So for example, Qatari delegate says to Russian delegate 'I will vote for Russia to host the tournament so long as you vote for us to host it in 2022'. The banker on Deal Or No Deal never drives such an easy bargain as that. FIFA's banqueting halls in the days leading up to the big decision will have bore an uncanny similarity to the Deal Or No Deal studio, except for the absence of a self-important, bearded middle aged man wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Or maybe not. Even the man who gave the world Mr Blobby could not surely be as unpopular with the English public as Sepp Blatter.
But just as bad as the blatant opportunity for deal-making that putting two tournaments up for tender in one block presented was the actual configuring of the FIFA Executive Committee that voted on the destination of the World Cups in 2018 and 2022. The 22 men responsible for determining the England bid's fate were made up of gentlemen who came from countries with a vested interest, namely countries that were bidding for the World Cup in either 2018 and 2022. Now, in most professional circles, this is what would generally be regarded as a conflict of interest. How can you have a Committee adjudicating on a decision where they have their own interests being represented? This is akin to a company carrying out a job interview where the head of the interview panel is the drinking companion of one of the interviewees. The interviewer would be obliged to declare an interest in this situation and would have to withdraw from the panel. Why does the same principle not apply to FIFA's management of its Executive Committee? Oh, silly me, I forgot what a self-serving, unaccountable organisation FIFA are.
But it should not be this way. How difficult can it be to appoint the Executive Committee for a term in office once it becomes apparent who the bidding parties will be for the next World Cup that is up for tender? So, for example, let's imagine that the 2026 World Cup attracts bids from England, France, Japan, the United States, plus a joint bid from Bolivia and Venezuela. Once these bids have been confirmed, FIFA can determine that its Executive Committee that decides on the destination of the World Cup hosting sixteen years thus must not be made up of representatives from any of these six countries. As my right honourable friend Alexander the Meerkat would say, 'Simples!'. There are still over 190 other nations that have a FIFA membership from whom the delegation can be drawn and the representatives from these countries can then be free to focus their energies on championing their country's bid. The simplicity of this concept is there for all to see, but the odds of FIFA ever implementing it are about the same as the ones you would get on Frankie Boyle becoming a UN diplomat, or Russell Brand becoming a monk.
So the die has been cast and the decisions made for 2018 and 2022 and where does that leave everybody? Well, Russia is one of the world's great footballing nations and one of the notable absentees from the list of top nations that have hitherto hosted international football's showpiece event. There is no reason why a country that gave the footballing world Lev Yashin, Andrei Arshavin, and some of the great Spartak Moscow sides should not have the World Cup experience in their neighbourhood. There are undoubtedly going to be challenges though, and Russia's ability to cope with these challenges will determine whether it is the right time for it to be staging a major sporting event. Several of Russia's World Cup venues have yet to be built and one hopes that lessons will be learnt from the debacle of this year's Commonwealth Games in Delhi, where parts of the stadium were still being completed days before the competition started. Fortunately for Russia, Poland is a neighbouring country and so obtaining builders should not be problem in an emergency, with Russia's oil oligarchs well equipped to pay above the minimum wage.
There are two greater issues for Russia to address, however. Firstly is its transport infrastructure. Russia is a vast country and whereas if the World Cup had been held in England then this would enable anyone to travel to one part of the country to another within a couple of hours, then the greater expanse of the largest country in the world by land area means a greater reliance on internal flights in order for players, officials and journalists to get from one venue to another. The concern that this need raises is the recent safety record among Russian air carriers, and most notably, its national carrier Aeroflot. Traditionally, Aeroflot used to be the butt of bar-room jokes in the same way that Skoda used to attract one liners about the quality of its cars. But whereas the input of German engineering has meant that Skoda jokes no longer ring true, concerns persist about Aeroflot and there have been several air crashes in Russia within the past five years which have resulted in fatality. The pressures of hosting a major event will only test Russia's aviation resources further and so clearly things will need to improve within the next seven and a half years, otherwise the potential for a tragedy is prominent, unless people decide that the Trans-Siberian Express is their preferred method of transport.
The social attitudes of some backward thinking natives is also a problem that cannot be swept under the carpet. The West Bromwich Albion forward Peter Odemwingie is testament to this. Odemwingie is a Nigerian international of Uzbek birth and prior to carrying out his day job in the West Midlands, he previously turned out for Lokomotiv Moscow, one of several notable club sides that play in the Russian capital. Despite a respectable return of 21 goals in 75 appearances, it appears that a section of Lokomotiv supporters were not disappointed by Odemwingie's departure to the land of Balti Pie and Lenny Henry, given that in Lokomotiv's next match following his move, a number of supporters unfurled a banner saying 'Thanks West Brom', accompanied by the image of a banana. Such attitudes are fortunately few and far between in the United Kingdom these days outside of the BNP's garden party, but this is sadly far from an isolated example of racial intolerance in Russia, although they are far from the only country where social understanding is backward. In the past few months there have been examples of racist chanting and behaviour at football matches in Italy, Serbia and Poland. This is particularly concerning in the latter's case given that they will be co-hosting the European Championships in less than 2 years from now.
The cynical side of me thinks, however, that Russia's social attitudes and one-dimensional thinking will not have a major bearing on the 2018 tournament for one very simple reason. Not many Russians will be in a position where they can afford to attend World Cup matches. A significant percentage of the tickets for World Cups end up in the hands of the corporates. Attending World Cup matches is a beany for the employees of the sponsors, the Coca-Colas, Fuji Films and Philips of this world, a modern day team building alternative to an afternoon on the golf course or orienteering in the nearest forest. Whether the corporates find attending Russia an enticing prospect is another matter. What is more likely than racist chanting blighting the World Cup in eight years time is that mouth-watering international contests will get played out in front of rows of empty seats, particularly in the more remote venues staging matches.
The potential for empty seats is only going to be increased four years later when the World Cup bandwagon moves on to Qatar. As a country situated in the middle of the Arabian desert, it will come as no surprise that the consumption of alcohol in Qatar is illegal and any contravention of the local laws will result in a permanent and painful forfeit for the consumer. While this might appear like a good strategy for keeping football hooligans away from the tournament, it will also deter a lot of genuine football supporters as well as the corporately entitled from travelling, given that having ready and available access to suitable liquids before and after the match is an essential part of the matchday experience, particularly for supporters travelling from the lager belt countries in central Europe.
There is then the interesting dilemma of whether to stage the tournament in the Qatari summer or the Qatari winter. What a quandary to weigh up! If the World Cup is staged during the summer months, as is tradition, then the temperature outside the stadia will be unbearably hot, possibly in excess of 40 degrees Celsius, even if the stadia themselves happen to be specially air conditioned. Alternatively, FIFA's masterplan to combat this meterological inconvenience would be to stage the tournament in the middle of winter, probably in January. A curious idea given that this would mean playing the tournament midway through most Western European countries' domestic season. One imagines that the Arsenal and Manchester United managers of 2022 will be somewhat overcome by apoplectic rage at the prospect of their players being taken away for a month halfway through a season to accommodate a World Cup. Already club managers are unhappy when they lose African players for a month every two years when the African Cup of Nations is held at a time when the local weather is not oppressive.
Then there is the issue of legacy. It is widely believed that FIFA like to make their decisions on World Cup hosts based upon where staging the tournament can leave lasting social benefits to the hosts and allow the country develop as a footballing nation. This is a somewhat flawed notion, however, in the case of Qatar given that most of the purpose-built stadia that are being constructed specifically to stage the World Cup are going to be demolished soon after the 2022 tournament's end. Far from leaving a legacy, this smacks of desperate short-termism. Would it not make sense to retain the stadia in order to stage further international sporting events? The World Club Championship perhaps, or even staging other sports such as the World Athletics Championships. Building a stadium to be used for just one month only to then bulldoze it straight afterwards seems like a criminal waste, especially at a time when much of the world is experiencing austerity.
As with the Olympics, it is only right that the World Cup is taken around the world so that all figurative corners of the globe are able to have opportunity to sample a sport that provides a common link and language across borders, races and religions. Football's ability to transcend these multinational boundaries is real and can unite otherwise disparate groups of people. But this does not mean that the tournament hosts should be exempt from meeting the practicalities of hosting a major event, and ultimately the decision on where to stage an event should be reached purely on the basis of which country presents the strongest business case and has the most robust package in place. Given that England and Australia already have the majority of their stadia built and have comparatively advanced transport, amenities and communications already in place, their cases appeared to be the strongest. So their shortage of friends when the votes were cast tells you that FIFA's decisions are concluded through political bargaining far more than they are through meritocracy.
This is frustrating and disappointing, but there is little that can be done. England are paying for years of being the white sheep amongst the brown-nosers and back-slappers at the top table, but they cannot just quit FIFA and keep their own counsel. Sure, there are countries that do not have FIFA membership, but playing regular matches against Greenland, Vatican City and Western Sahara is not going to be enough of a sufficiently lucrative prospect to keep the public interested in international football. England supporters want to see their team play against France, Germany, Brazil and Argentina, and these countries are never going to resign from FIFA. Whatever way you look at it, FIFA hold all the cards because however much they treat England like some chewing gum on the sole of the Governor's shoe, England still need FIFA far more than FIFA need England.
Chris fits the bill as Apprentice
This blog is usually suitably under-whelmed by the excess column inches and media output devoted to televisual reality shows. Not least because, in whose universe do they deem that such shows are reality? There is, however, one glorious exception in this genre, namely the BBC's self-proclaimed 'job interview from hell', The Apprentice. This weekend sees the climax of the sixth series of the unofficial idiot's-guide-of-how-not-to-conduct-business and has seen something of a return to form for the programme, after a couple of years where the format was becoming increasingly stale and the candidates were becoming less credible.
This series, however, has been one of the more memorable ones. I would say that the alumni of series 2 or series 3 probably remain the best and most entertaining to date, but this year's crop are certainly an improvement on many of the candidates that participated in series 4 and 5. That is not to say that the series has been devoid of the deluded and the dim-witted types that make the series an entertainment programme rather than a business educational supplement. But there has been a fine balance between the moments of stupidity and hilarity and also the moments of genuine inspiration. The clever editing can, of course, paint a caricature highlighting the moments of weakness demonstrated by the candidates and ignoring some of the hard graft which may be commendable, but which does not make for entertaining television. But on reflection, it certainly seems as though the calibre of candidates in this latest series has gone up a notch from some of the previous terms.
As with every series of the programme, there was a pantomime villain and this year it was the turn of Isle of Man telecoms entrepreneur, Stuart Baggs. Baggs set a record this year by being the youngest ever candidate to enter the senior version of the show, participating at the age of just 21. Baggs demonstrated throughout the process that he was an alpha male of questionable principles, but setting up a business at the age of 18 showed that he was no entrepreneurial lightweight and this will no doubt have made Lord Sugar identify certain parallels with his own formative years, given that he started his business from scratch at the age of 16. The problem for Lord Sugar you sense is that because his own rags to riches story is so well documented, this results in a lot of candidates trying to pass themselves as his second coming, whereas they are only pale imitators.
Nonetheless, the fruits of Baggs' labours which he claimed was without any financial assistance from his parents certainly seemed to strike a chord with the bearded peer and it resulted in a rare misjudgement from the chief firer. In week 10, an empassioned board room speech from Baggs in which he informed Sugar of how he came to set up his business at an early age saw Baggs defy the odds and retain his place in the competition for the interview stage, resulting in the firing of Liz Locke, the attractive Brummie who had been the favourite to gain employment within the AMS empire until that point. Sugar thought that Baggs' maverick nature and technical expertise would provide him with something that none of the candidates had, but it would only take a week for him to realise the error of his ways.
In week 11, the traditional interview roasting took place from Lord Sugar's quartet of troubleshooting Rottweilers, including the welcome return of former aide Margaret Mountford. As well as Margaret's return, the ankle-biter in chief amongst Sugar's cross examiners was his one-time global troubleshooter Claude Littner, a man seemingly with such limited personality that its totality could be stored in a tin of fish paste. And on the subject of fish, Littner provided the memorable line of 'You're not a big fish, you're not even a fish' in response to messr Baggs' assertion that he was a major player in the telecoms business. Further revelations about the questionable status of Baggs' telecoms licence that he had advertised on his CV culminated in a boardroom explosion from Sugar amid the realisation that he had fired the wrong candidate the previous week, resulting in Baggs' sudden but overdue expulsion from the competition.
Baggs' extended stay and Miss Locke's premature departure aside, it has to be said that Lord Sugar's finger has been on the pulse throughout this series with pretty much all of his other firings being spot on and the other four candidates rightly making the interview stage. His decision on the two candidates to put through to the final was also a close call, but on reflection, it would seem like he made the correct decisions again. Property developer Jamie Lester marked himself down as an early favourite to win the candidacy, but his performance seemed to regress as the series wore on while some of his competitors saw their trajectory head in the other direction. Lester is certainly a strong negotiator and salesman, as one would expect from someone who honed their skills in the real estate business, but he seemed to lose his focus at times.
Then there was Joanne Riley, a 25 year old proprietor of a cleaning business from Leicester. Riley, by her own admission, was no scholar and her lack of business acumen became evident during the interview process when she struggled to identify Lord Sugar's main business interests. Riley, however, did show how The Apprentice can be a force for good for its participating candidates by improving significantly throughout the duration of the process. She started out as mouthy and over-opinionated and rather defensive due to her insecurities about her own background. But she also demonstrated that she was nobody's fool and seemed to work hard to take on board any feedback she received from the board. Riley was not a strong enough candidate to win the apprenticeship, but she left with a different perspective on her career, with Lord Sugar advising her to persist with growing her own business.
So to the final two. As quite often seems to be the case with The Apprentice, the two finalists are polar opposites. One male, one female. One born with a silver spoon in their mouth, the other born with a plastic spoon in theirs. One a twenty-something with only nine months work experience since graduating from university. The other a thirty-something with ten years experience of climbing the corporate ladder having left school with no qualifications. In a lot of ways this final particularly reminds me of the series 3 final that was contested between posh graduate Simon Ambrose and the Irish Account Manager with a difficult upbringing, Kristina Grimes. On that occasion it was Ambrose that prevailed.
Assuming the Ambrose role this time is posh graduate Chris Bates, while up against him assuming the Kristina Grimes role is Stella English, who to an untrained eye bears a slight resemblance to a young Amanda Redman, the star of geriatric detective series, New Tricks. Bates' place in the final looked like a long shot in the early stages of the process given that he was on the losing team in five out of the first seven tasks, being brought back into the boardroom and into the line of fire on more than one occasion. This point was not lost on Lord Sugar, who advised the Politics graduate to buck his ideas up. Bates certainly seemed to do this and he will have particularly impressed Sugar on the week 10 tourism task where he took a calculated risk in his negotiation with the London Tourist Centre, given them a 20 per cent cut of all revenue his team made, much to his colleagues' disgust. That this was a gamble was unquestionable and had it gone wrong, Bates could well have ended up getting fired, but Sugar himself will know that entrepreneurship is about taking risks to be successful and this risk was gloriously successful. It was a smart move on his part and he has demonstrated in previous tasks that he has a good business brain and does not shirk his responsibility when it comes to the hard sell either.
Bates' obvious weakness is his monotonous presentational style which has been highlighted more than once during the process, but this in itself is not going to hold him back. The winner two years ago, Lee McQueen, was an even worse presenter but that did not prevent him from being hired. The clue is in the title of the programme, it is to be expected that there are some items that will need to be ironed out in the event of employment being taken up.
His opponent in the final task, Stella English, has consistently performed well throughout the course of the series, despite having to fend off accusations of being wooden, cold and corporate. Some of these accusations are natural and have a grain of truth about them. The Londoner's background as an employee of a Japanese investment bank for some ten years means that she is used to an institutionalised, corporate culture. But it is also worth highlighting that her employers have effectively created roles for her, thereby recognising her importance and abilities. She has also shown a certain steeliness about her during the process and it would appear that she has kept a certain amount of distance between herself and her competitors. But, as she acknowledged herself, she is not there to win friends, she is there because she is ambitious and wants to gain employment in the Sugar empire.
It is worth remembering how well Stella did when managing a team of disorganised, in-fighting men during the second week of the process and her task-focused approach produced the desired result with her team winning the task. But she has also been equally adept at working hard when she has not been Team Leader, coming out of her natural comfort zone when being a tour guide in week 10 and also acting as a beachwear model in one of the other tasks. 'Taking one for the team' as one of the other candidates put it does not appear to be a problem for her if it is a means to an end. Apart from being typecast as robotic, she does not appear to have many points of weakness other than not being the most natural salesperson or negotiator. This was demonstrated in the purchasing task where she bought items for a higher price because she did not barter effectively, which led to her team losing the task.
The final task sees both candidates having to pitch an idea for a new brand of alcoholic drink, targetting adults aged over 25. Given that one of the candidates is called Stella, this seems like an unfair advantage! On the surface, it seems like there is little to choose between the two candidates and the performance on the final task could end up having a bearing on who wins the whole shooting match. However, I can see Chris being a better fit for Sugar's organisation, which is why I make him favourite to win. He is that much younger than Stella and has a comparatively short business career behind him, whereas Stella has worked under one organisational culture for ten years and will require more of an adjustment to then acclimatise to Sugar's enterprises, which will be far removed from the corporate setup that Stella will have experienced working in a bank.
Chris will be prone to mistakes and will sometimes need to be reined in from his instincts, but he has shown that he is able to produce results when working independently. The only question mark that Sugar may have is whether he would be using this as a career stepping stone, seeing him move on within a year to something more lucrative. But I would not think this would deter Sugar from hiring him, and for much the same reason as Simon Ambrose won the third series, I expect this vintage sixth series to close with Chris Bates taking the honours.
Music on television striking a low note
Flicking the channels one Sunday night recently, I stumbled across the Strictly Come Dancing results show, featuring the television presenter I like to call the bookcase, Claudia Winkleman. This epithet I have provided is not because I imagine Eve Pollard's doe-eyed daughter to be an avid user of a bibliotheque, but more that her presentational style is decidedly, well, wooden. But I digress. What was more disturbing than Claudia's apparent difficulty at even uttering her own name without referring to the autocue was the choice of musical guest as the antipasta to the succulent main course of Anne Widdecombe finally being asked to leave the dancefloor. Given that such light entertainment, family oriented shows usually see musical interludes from such accomplished music legends as James Blunt, Michael Buble and Jamie Cullum, I had to do a double take when I realised who was performing. Surely not it couldn't be. I must be hallucinating. This must be my imagination. But no, no it really is them. There in the flesh, on Sunday primetime television on a dancing programme performing their new single was.....THE MANIC STREET PREACHERS!!!
This was no wind-up, this was for real. The Welsh dragons on the drumkit was the telltale sign that here on a family light entertainment show designed for the mainstream was a band who once wanted to start revolutions and rebellions and tear down the walls held up by the mainstream and their MOR preferences. How can it be that this band of musical revolutionaries, who have done more to put the voice of protest into musical form than arguably any other British band of the past two decades, found themselves resorting to plugging their new single in the company of Eastenders cast-offs and professional dancers, and to a watching television audience consisting in no small number of people from the blue rinse brigade?
On one level, this development was just indicative of the ageing process. John Lydon was once uncouth simply for the sake of keeping down with the kids. These days his uncouthness is presented on demand for the purposes of product placement in exchange for a pile of paper with the head of the woman he once condemned in punk prose. Paul Weller was once an angry young man that challenged the elite with such anthemic attacks on the privileged classes as 'Eton Rifles' but in later years, his sound has become more soothing and mellow, much like the musical equivalent of Horlicks. The Manics have been in the business for 20 years as men and boys and messrs Bradfield and Wire are now at a stage where Saga holidays in the Brecon Beacons are looming on the horizon, while jolly boys' outings to Llandudno are becoming a hazy memory.
But there was a more practical reason for the Manics' purposeful selling out to the mainstream. Music television as a platform is a very limited and disjointed medium in the current climate. Back in the day, it was much more simple than this. Band would get airplay on Radio 1 and would get in the charts. Band would then put themselves out in the public consciousness further by performing on Top Of The Pops. These days, competition for places in the charts is fiercer than ever due to the vast amount of choice available through downloading media, be it iTunes, Spotify or whoever else you care to mention. It only takes an advertising campaign which uses a certain song to get that back into the public's consciousness and it can re-enter the charts. Failing that, some out-of-tune wannabe that attracts the support of Louis Walsh can commit falsetto homicide on the X-Factor and propel the original, previously long forgotten track back into the charts. And then at this time of year, there is always the seasonal effect that sees people getting merry on the sherry and coming under the influence while in control of iTunes, resulting in the wholesale purchase of Christmas novelty songs.
Nowadays, the range of choice in terms of radio stations mean that promoting a new single via that medium is that much harder simply because people's listening pleasures are much more diverse, whereas once upon a time music radio's audience would essentially be drawn from two national stations, plus one commercial radio station in the local area. Getting the requisite attention in an ever more competitive music chart has become much harder and this has meant that bands and musicians have had to make themselves available to appear in settings that they would never have dreamt as being an option even five years ago.
The lack of specialist music platforms available to recording artists on terrestrial television is a rather disturbing development at present and it means that children and teenagers in particular are being deprived the opportunity of seeing many of the genuine stars of recorded music, while being subjected to the artificial side of the music industry. Think back a decade and television had several music oriented programmes, most notably with Top of the Pops, but also including the ITV Chart Show, TFI Friday, Friday Night With Jonathan Ross and Later with Jools Holland. Jools remains to this day and his show is fantastic at managing bring together artists and transcending traditional music genres, but the problem is that his show is not on every week of the year. When the Crown Jools of music television is off air (you've got to appreciate what I did there!) there are few other music platforms available, other than T4 and the Album Chart Show on Channel 4. How, and more pertinently why has music television eaten itself up in this way?
The simple answer to this appears to be a case of short-term thinking by television executives. It was the men in grey suits that deemed that Top Of The Pops had come to the end of the road because of consumer buying habits and falling ratings. Yet, there was a much simpler explanation for Top Of The Pops' falling ratings, namely that it was being scheduled at the wrong time. The programme was habitually screened at 7:30 on a Friday night, in direct competition with Coronation Street on ITV1. Given that Corrie has generally been the first or second highest rated television programme for the vast majority of the past two decades, it stands to reason that the BBC's flagship programme was taking a kicking in the ratings. Had it not occurred to the schedulers that simply moving the programme to another night or another time might have made more sense? Wednesday night at 7:00 maybe, or even run the programme as a live show on a Sunday night an hour after the charts have aired on Radio 1 and that way the chart news would be hot off the press and would make the programme feel fresh. Top Of The Pops typically returns twice a year over Christmas and New Year, including its special Christmas Day episode that prefixes the Queen's Speech. It will not take Paddy Power to identify that this episode will poll high in the Christmas ratings list.
The absence of specialist music television shows dedicated to live performances means that established acts have to be more creative and accommodating about where they go to perform their new material and this is beginning to result in credible acts performing their latest numbers in the most curious of settings. For the Manics in the Strictly studio, read also KT Tunstall performing on the Andrew Marr Show and Daybreak. This is perhaps less of a concern for upcoming acts who are more technology savvy in using the likes of YouTube, Twitter and MySpace in order to publicise their material and live performances. But it would seem myopic to believe that just because social media platforms are available that more conventional media should become redundant for the purposes of performing live music.
There is a real possibility that a whole new generation of the British public will grow up and only see live music segments performed on the likes of the X-Factor and as a short interlude on gentle, breezy chat programmes where the material cannot be too edgy in case it frightens the horses, or wakens Alan Titchmarsh from his almost permanent comatosed state. This seems like a terrible waste because the likes of TFI Friday were once programmes where the audience could discover previously untapped gems. The equivalent programmes in 2010 are conspicuous by their absence and only serves to prove that the major media platforms are obsessively concerned with bending over to meet the demands of advertisers and grabbing the all-important ratings, regardless of whether they are removing the contents of their network's soul at one and the same time.
I trust you have been enjoying the snow and ice of the past couple of weeks, either indulging in some well earned duvet days or guiding the most reliable method of transport during the cold snap, namely the sledge. Unfortunately some of us live close enough to our employer that we were not excused work on the grounds of inclemency. And I hope that none you experienced the kind of cold hearted, wicked crime that was reported by one Kent woman, who called emergency services to report the theft of her snowman, crafted by her own fair hands. As if this act of cruel opportunism was not enough, the woman suffered the further indignity of having her telephone call passed on to the media to highlight the waste on emergency resources. Give the woman a carrot. And maybe some coal.
Anyway, time to digest some of the other news stories of recent times.
Twenty-two unwise men
So, Thursday 2 December saw the result that the country had long been waiting for. Or, at least it did if the country concerned was Qatar. Football's world governing body FIFA announced the results of the Cypriot jury, sorry the results from its Executive Committee and the results spelt bad news for the English delegates and media corps. Predictably, the English reaction to a defeat was measured and philosophical, with every tabloid paper exhibiting the kind of imperialist, xenophobic stereotypes one hoped had been wiped out a generation ago.
As the wreckage of England's latest humiliating defeat was surveyed, several post-mortems were carried out as to how exactly England achieved just 2 votes from FIFA's assembled motley crew of 22 men, with one of those votes being cast by England's own representative. Many pointed to the Panorama documentary that the BBC screened just three days before the vote, while others suggested that it was because England's bid presentation was so polished, that FIFA decided to look to a land of Eastern promise, oil and gold reserves to stage the tournament instead.
First things first here. England actually reached the last four in the bidding rights for staging the 2018 competition. On recent form, that is actually progress for England, given that the last time they reached the semis in the World Cup, Nessun Dorma was all the rage and Paul Gascoigne had got too closely acquainted with Onion Bhajis. Maybe if future World Cup bids are decided by an in-house paper, scissors, stone competition, then football coming home will be a shoo-in.
Wisecracking aside, there is no point in applying logic to FIFA's decision making powers. Just as you are advised not to reason with terrorists, there is no point in arriving at a meaningful or logical conclusion in how FIFA makes its decisions, other than to say that the country's approval rating with FIFA appears to be even lower than its approval rating with Eurovision. What we can at least be certain of is that FIFA's decision to award the World Cup to Russia was not made for pure footballing reasons. FIFA made clear that the English delegation made the best technical bid and the strongest presentation, and also identified that the two countries that posed the greatest risk in hosting the tournaments in 2018 and 2022 were Russia and Qatar, the two countries that ended up winning the day. Just like the girl that is always drawn to the bad boys, FIFA clearly like a challenge.
From what I have read and seen of the bidding process, I certainly felt that England presented the strongest business case for hosting the 2018 World Cup. The beautiful game has a rich heritage and tradition within England, with the world's oldest professional club found within these shores and the oldest cup competition being played here too. But in the here and now, England also has the infrastructure and the transport links in place to host such a grand scale sporting event, as well as having most of its stadia already built and spread throughout a wide area of the country. Sure, the cynics will scoff at the transport point and say that the trains will struggle at the first sign of snow or rain, but the point is that in usual circumstances, you can usually travel from one major city at one end of the country to a major city at the other end within a matter of two or three hours. The sport's place within the DNA of English society, factored in with the transport links and purpose-built stadia all appeared to add up to the most robust package in the field.
The English party's attitude to presenting on match day to FIFA's suited and booted seasoned internationals also seemed to tick all the boxes of how to win friends and influence people. The English entourage was strong with more household names than Proctor & Gamble in the room. Their posse was headed up by three wise men comprising the man in charge of the country, a future king of the country, plus two toffs who support Aston Villa. Or I may have got part of that wrong.
Whatever one felt about 'Just Call Me Dave' Cameron devoting three days of his time to supporting the bid by being present in Zurich at a time when there are other pressing concerns closer to home like a faltering economy, student mutiny and Ann Widdecombe's continued presence in Strictly Come Dancing to deal with, it certainly makes a strong statement of intent about the country's seriousness in wanting to stage the tournament. But maybe where messrs Cameron, Beckham and Wales could only detect the sweet smell of success, the FIFA delegates present detected the not so pleasant smell of desperation.
It is worth reiterating what I said at the top that I do not think FIFA's decisions in awarding the tournament in either 2018 or 2022 were made on football related grounds. If they were, then England and Australia appeared to be the strongest candidates for each of those tournaments, with both countries being passionate sporting hotbeds and having purpose-built stadia already in place. However, England secured just 2 votes for 2018, while Australia managed only 1 for 2022.
England's shortage of support in FIFA's corridors of power goes much further back beyond the recent Panorama expose and there is a long historical context, one which sees the same levels of mutual contempt in place as is seen between the United Kingdom and the European Union. Although founded in 1903, FIFA was not graced by English presence until 1950, presumably on the grounds that the old school tie brigade that were in charge of the English FA did not think FIFA had anything to teach them. By this stage, England's absence from FIFA meant they missed out in participating in any of the first 3 World Cup tournaments, participating for the Jules Rimet Trophy.
Relations between England and the world's governing body have always been a little strained, but this has been particularly apparent during the reign of current FIFA President, Sepp Blatter, a man whose innovative ideas for his favourite sport have been unsurpassed given that he once suggested that women footballers should be encouraged to remove their shirts when scoring a goal, while he is continually opposed to introducing any sensible form of goal-line technology. Blatter, however, has a vice like grip on FIFA and it was his words that allegedly saw FIFA's other delegates withdrawing their support for England.
There are those that would argue that England's lack of love in FIFA corridors is due to their perceived arrogance and conceit and that banging on about having invented the game irritates FIFA. There is some truth in this and we have to accept that just because football has a strong heritage in this country, our country does not have the monopoly on heritage, and therefore has no divine right to host the World Cup. As an island nation, we are sometimes insular when it comes to appreciating what other countries bring to the table. However, England’s lack of friends in Geneva’s marbled halls is also due to their lack of dexterity in the dark arts of schmoozing and brown nosing.
The dynamics in FIFA appear to share a number of similarities to those that are in place in a Masonic lodge. Much like the Masons, FIFA’s Executive Committee consists exclusively of middle aged men who appreciate a fine dine and a good wine (and maybe a Bryan Adams summer), especially if they are not picking up the tab. The other parallel that is shared with the Masons is that FIFA tend to operate a closed shop. To be influential in decision making, you need to sit within the inner circle. England currently appear to be situated nearer to the Arctic Circle than the inner circle. In Masonic parlance, England’s World Cup bid was black-balled.
The timing of the Panorama documentary that made allegations of vote rigging and other corrupt practices within FIFA was far from ideal from a bidding point of view. There were even some accusations of the BBC being ‘unpatriotic’ in some quarters. But, surely it is the media’s responsibility to uncover any supposed wrongdoing and corruption in order to name and shame the culprits concerned, rather than to sweep it under the carpet. If the BBC did not report this, they would not be fulfilling their journalistic integrity. And it made more sense for them to air the programme three days before the bid rather than six months before or after because the items it uncovered would have a more powerful impact on its audience, with the programme still fresh in the minds of the viewers when Sepp Blatter was on envelope opening duties in Zurich.
The double edged sword to this, of course, is that certain FIFA delegates may have spent their Monday night watching the documentary and choking on their olives, and even those that found alternative recreation will have been aware of the allegations raised. Against this backdrop, you would have hoped that the evidence that the BBC was fresh, relevant and damning, meaning that the FIFA bigwigs were caught red handed, banged to rights. Sadly, however, the Panorama documentary just covered old ground and the total sum of their investigation was to refer to incidents that occurred ten years earlier and which had been reported before. The journalist reporting his findings, a Scotsman by the name of Andrew Jennings so happened to be someone that had been banned from FIFA's premises because of previous accusations he had made. In terms of hard hitting journalism, this was a long way removed from The Cook Report. So much for not sacrificing journalistic integrity, this was as lame an effort as England's showing in South Africa in the summer from a point-scoring journalist with a grudge. The irony of a Scotsman possibly being responsible for England's World Cup bid failing is richer than Roman Abramovich, Bill Gates and Sir Fred Goodwin all being covered in Black Forest Gateau.
This is not to say that Jennings' fundamental point was wrong, of course. This point being that FIFA are corruptible and accountable only to themselves. If anything, the results of the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cup tournaments demonstrates this, as does the bidding process itself. First of all, it does not take a quantum physicist or a brain surgeon to understand that by putting two tournaments up for tender in one foul swoop that this increases the potential for corruptibility because it allows for the kind of back-scratching and horsetrading between delegates where deals are done to suit both parties. So for example, Qatari delegate says to Russian delegate 'I will vote for Russia to host the tournament so long as you vote for us to host it in 2022'. The banker on Deal Or No Deal never drives such an easy bargain as that. FIFA's banqueting halls in the days leading up to the big decision will have bore an uncanny similarity to the Deal Or No Deal studio, except for the absence of a self-important, bearded middle aged man wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Or maybe not. Even the man who gave the world Mr Blobby could not surely be as unpopular with the English public as Sepp Blatter.
But just as bad as the blatant opportunity for deal-making that putting two tournaments up for tender in one block presented was the actual configuring of the FIFA Executive Committee that voted on the destination of the World Cups in 2018 and 2022. The 22 men responsible for determining the England bid's fate were made up of gentlemen who came from countries with a vested interest, namely countries that were bidding for the World Cup in either 2018 and 2022. Now, in most professional circles, this is what would generally be regarded as a conflict of interest. How can you have a Committee adjudicating on a decision where they have their own interests being represented? This is akin to a company carrying out a job interview where the head of the interview panel is the drinking companion of one of the interviewees. The interviewer would be obliged to declare an interest in this situation and would have to withdraw from the panel. Why does the same principle not apply to FIFA's management of its Executive Committee? Oh, silly me, I forgot what a self-serving, unaccountable organisation FIFA are.
But it should not be this way. How difficult can it be to appoint the Executive Committee for a term in office once it becomes apparent who the bidding parties will be for the next World Cup that is up for tender? So, for example, let's imagine that the 2026 World Cup attracts bids from England, France, Japan, the United States, plus a joint bid from Bolivia and Venezuela. Once these bids have been confirmed, FIFA can determine that its Executive Committee that decides on the destination of the World Cup hosting sixteen years thus must not be made up of representatives from any of these six countries. As my right honourable friend Alexander the Meerkat would say, 'Simples!'. There are still over 190 other nations that have a FIFA membership from whom the delegation can be drawn and the representatives from these countries can then be free to focus their energies on championing their country's bid. The simplicity of this concept is there for all to see, but the odds of FIFA ever implementing it are about the same as the ones you would get on Frankie Boyle becoming a UN diplomat, or Russell Brand becoming a monk.
So the die has been cast and the decisions made for 2018 and 2022 and where does that leave everybody? Well, Russia is one of the world's great footballing nations and one of the notable absentees from the list of top nations that have hitherto hosted international football's showpiece event. There is no reason why a country that gave the footballing world Lev Yashin, Andrei Arshavin, and some of the great Spartak Moscow sides should not have the World Cup experience in their neighbourhood. There are undoubtedly going to be challenges though, and Russia's ability to cope with these challenges will determine whether it is the right time for it to be staging a major sporting event. Several of Russia's World Cup venues have yet to be built and one hopes that lessons will be learnt from the debacle of this year's Commonwealth Games in Delhi, where parts of the stadium were still being completed days before the competition started. Fortunately for Russia, Poland is a neighbouring country and so obtaining builders should not be problem in an emergency, with Russia's oil oligarchs well equipped to pay above the minimum wage.
There are two greater issues for Russia to address, however. Firstly is its transport infrastructure. Russia is a vast country and whereas if the World Cup had been held in England then this would enable anyone to travel to one part of the country to another within a couple of hours, then the greater expanse of the largest country in the world by land area means a greater reliance on internal flights in order for players, officials and journalists to get from one venue to another. The concern that this need raises is the recent safety record among Russian air carriers, and most notably, its national carrier Aeroflot. Traditionally, Aeroflot used to be the butt of bar-room jokes in the same way that Skoda used to attract one liners about the quality of its cars. But whereas the input of German engineering has meant that Skoda jokes no longer ring true, concerns persist about Aeroflot and there have been several air crashes in Russia within the past five years which have resulted in fatality. The pressures of hosting a major event will only test Russia's aviation resources further and so clearly things will need to improve within the next seven and a half years, otherwise the potential for a tragedy is prominent, unless people decide that the Trans-Siberian Express is their preferred method of transport.
The social attitudes of some backward thinking natives is also a problem that cannot be swept under the carpet. The West Bromwich Albion forward Peter Odemwingie is testament to this. Odemwingie is a Nigerian international of Uzbek birth and prior to carrying out his day job in the West Midlands, he previously turned out for Lokomotiv Moscow, one of several notable club sides that play in the Russian capital. Despite a respectable return of 21 goals in 75 appearances, it appears that a section of Lokomotiv supporters were not disappointed by Odemwingie's departure to the land of Balti Pie and Lenny Henry, given that in Lokomotiv's next match following his move, a number of supporters unfurled a banner saying 'Thanks West Brom', accompanied by the image of a banana. Such attitudes are fortunately few and far between in the United Kingdom these days outside of the BNP's garden party, but this is sadly far from an isolated example of racial intolerance in Russia, although they are far from the only country where social understanding is backward. In the past few months there have been examples of racist chanting and behaviour at football matches in Italy, Serbia and Poland. This is particularly concerning in the latter's case given that they will be co-hosting the European Championships in less than 2 years from now.
The cynical side of me thinks, however, that Russia's social attitudes and one-dimensional thinking will not have a major bearing on the 2018 tournament for one very simple reason. Not many Russians will be in a position where they can afford to attend World Cup matches. A significant percentage of the tickets for World Cups end up in the hands of the corporates. Attending World Cup matches is a beany for the employees of the sponsors, the Coca-Colas, Fuji Films and Philips of this world, a modern day team building alternative to an afternoon on the golf course or orienteering in the nearest forest. Whether the corporates find attending Russia an enticing prospect is another matter. What is more likely than racist chanting blighting the World Cup in eight years time is that mouth-watering international contests will get played out in front of rows of empty seats, particularly in the more remote venues staging matches.
The potential for empty seats is only going to be increased four years later when the World Cup bandwagon moves on to Qatar. As a country situated in the middle of the Arabian desert, it will come as no surprise that the consumption of alcohol in Qatar is illegal and any contravention of the local laws will result in a permanent and painful forfeit for the consumer. While this might appear like a good strategy for keeping football hooligans away from the tournament, it will also deter a lot of genuine football supporters as well as the corporately entitled from travelling, given that having ready and available access to suitable liquids before and after the match is an essential part of the matchday experience, particularly for supporters travelling from the lager belt countries in central Europe.
There is then the interesting dilemma of whether to stage the tournament in the Qatari summer or the Qatari winter. What a quandary to weigh up! If the World Cup is staged during the summer months, as is tradition, then the temperature outside the stadia will be unbearably hot, possibly in excess of 40 degrees Celsius, even if the stadia themselves happen to be specially air conditioned. Alternatively, FIFA's masterplan to combat this meterological inconvenience would be to stage the tournament in the middle of winter, probably in January. A curious idea given that this would mean playing the tournament midway through most Western European countries' domestic season. One imagines that the Arsenal and Manchester United managers of 2022 will be somewhat overcome by apoplectic rage at the prospect of their players being taken away for a month halfway through a season to accommodate a World Cup. Already club managers are unhappy when they lose African players for a month every two years when the African Cup of Nations is held at a time when the local weather is not oppressive.
Then there is the issue of legacy. It is widely believed that FIFA like to make their decisions on World Cup hosts based upon where staging the tournament can leave lasting social benefits to the hosts and allow the country develop as a footballing nation. This is a somewhat flawed notion, however, in the case of Qatar given that most of the purpose-built stadia that are being constructed specifically to stage the World Cup are going to be demolished soon after the 2022 tournament's end. Far from leaving a legacy, this smacks of desperate short-termism. Would it not make sense to retain the stadia in order to stage further international sporting events? The World Club Championship perhaps, or even staging other sports such as the World Athletics Championships. Building a stadium to be used for just one month only to then bulldoze it straight afterwards seems like a criminal waste, especially at a time when much of the world is experiencing austerity.
As with the Olympics, it is only right that the World Cup is taken around the world so that all figurative corners of the globe are able to have opportunity to sample a sport that provides a common link and language across borders, races and religions. Football's ability to transcend these multinational boundaries is real and can unite otherwise disparate groups of people. But this does not mean that the tournament hosts should be exempt from meeting the practicalities of hosting a major event, and ultimately the decision on where to stage an event should be reached purely on the basis of which country presents the strongest business case and has the most robust package in place. Given that England and Australia already have the majority of their stadia built and have comparatively advanced transport, amenities and communications already in place, their cases appeared to be the strongest. So their shortage of friends when the votes were cast tells you that FIFA's decisions are concluded through political bargaining far more than they are through meritocracy.
This is frustrating and disappointing, but there is little that can be done. England are paying for years of being the white sheep amongst the brown-nosers and back-slappers at the top table, but they cannot just quit FIFA and keep their own counsel. Sure, there are countries that do not have FIFA membership, but playing regular matches against Greenland, Vatican City and Western Sahara is not going to be enough of a sufficiently lucrative prospect to keep the public interested in international football. England supporters want to see their team play against France, Germany, Brazil and Argentina, and these countries are never going to resign from FIFA. Whatever way you look at it, FIFA hold all the cards because however much they treat England like some chewing gum on the sole of the Governor's shoe, England still need FIFA far more than FIFA need England.
Chris fits the bill as Apprentice
This blog is usually suitably under-whelmed by the excess column inches and media output devoted to televisual reality shows. Not least because, in whose universe do they deem that such shows are reality? There is, however, one glorious exception in this genre, namely the BBC's self-proclaimed 'job interview from hell', The Apprentice. This weekend sees the climax of the sixth series of the unofficial idiot's-guide-of-how-not-to-conduct-business and has seen something of a return to form for the programme, after a couple of years where the format was becoming increasingly stale and the candidates were becoming less credible.
This series, however, has been one of the more memorable ones. I would say that the alumni of series 2 or series 3 probably remain the best and most entertaining to date, but this year's crop are certainly an improvement on many of the candidates that participated in series 4 and 5. That is not to say that the series has been devoid of the deluded and the dim-witted types that make the series an entertainment programme rather than a business educational supplement. But there has been a fine balance between the moments of stupidity and hilarity and also the moments of genuine inspiration. The clever editing can, of course, paint a caricature highlighting the moments of weakness demonstrated by the candidates and ignoring some of the hard graft which may be commendable, but which does not make for entertaining television. But on reflection, it certainly seems as though the calibre of candidates in this latest series has gone up a notch from some of the previous terms.
As with every series of the programme, there was a pantomime villain and this year it was the turn of Isle of Man telecoms entrepreneur, Stuart Baggs. Baggs set a record this year by being the youngest ever candidate to enter the senior version of the show, participating at the age of just 21. Baggs demonstrated throughout the process that he was an alpha male of questionable principles, but setting up a business at the age of 18 showed that he was no entrepreneurial lightweight and this will no doubt have made Lord Sugar identify certain parallels with his own formative years, given that he started his business from scratch at the age of 16. The problem for Lord Sugar you sense is that because his own rags to riches story is so well documented, this results in a lot of candidates trying to pass themselves as his second coming, whereas they are only pale imitators.
Nonetheless, the fruits of Baggs' labours which he claimed was without any financial assistance from his parents certainly seemed to strike a chord with the bearded peer and it resulted in a rare misjudgement from the chief firer. In week 10, an empassioned board room speech from Baggs in which he informed Sugar of how he came to set up his business at an early age saw Baggs defy the odds and retain his place in the competition for the interview stage, resulting in the firing of Liz Locke, the attractive Brummie who had been the favourite to gain employment within the AMS empire until that point. Sugar thought that Baggs' maverick nature and technical expertise would provide him with something that none of the candidates had, but it would only take a week for him to realise the error of his ways.
In week 11, the traditional interview roasting took place from Lord Sugar's quartet of troubleshooting Rottweilers, including the welcome return of former aide Margaret Mountford. As well as Margaret's return, the ankle-biter in chief amongst Sugar's cross examiners was his one-time global troubleshooter Claude Littner, a man seemingly with such limited personality that its totality could be stored in a tin of fish paste. And on the subject of fish, Littner provided the memorable line of 'You're not a big fish, you're not even a fish' in response to messr Baggs' assertion that he was a major player in the telecoms business. Further revelations about the questionable status of Baggs' telecoms licence that he had advertised on his CV culminated in a boardroom explosion from Sugar amid the realisation that he had fired the wrong candidate the previous week, resulting in Baggs' sudden but overdue expulsion from the competition.
Baggs' extended stay and Miss Locke's premature departure aside, it has to be said that Lord Sugar's finger has been on the pulse throughout this series with pretty much all of his other firings being spot on and the other four candidates rightly making the interview stage. His decision on the two candidates to put through to the final was also a close call, but on reflection, it would seem like he made the correct decisions again. Property developer Jamie Lester marked himself down as an early favourite to win the candidacy, but his performance seemed to regress as the series wore on while some of his competitors saw their trajectory head in the other direction. Lester is certainly a strong negotiator and salesman, as one would expect from someone who honed their skills in the real estate business, but he seemed to lose his focus at times.
Then there was Joanne Riley, a 25 year old proprietor of a cleaning business from Leicester. Riley, by her own admission, was no scholar and her lack of business acumen became evident during the interview process when she struggled to identify Lord Sugar's main business interests. Riley, however, did show how The Apprentice can be a force for good for its participating candidates by improving significantly throughout the duration of the process. She started out as mouthy and over-opinionated and rather defensive due to her insecurities about her own background. But she also demonstrated that she was nobody's fool and seemed to work hard to take on board any feedback she received from the board. Riley was not a strong enough candidate to win the apprenticeship, but she left with a different perspective on her career, with Lord Sugar advising her to persist with growing her own business.
So to the final two. As quite often seems to be the case with The Apprentice, the two finalists are polar opposites. One male, one female. One born with a silver spoon in their mouth, the other born with a plastic spoon in theirs. One a twenty-something with only nine months work experience since graduating from university. The other a thirty-something with ten years experience of climbing the corporate ladder having left school with no qualifications. In a lot of ways this final particularly reminds me of the series 3 final that was contested between posh graduate Simon Ambrose and the Irish Account Manager with a difficult upbringing, Kristina Grimes. On that occasion it was Ambrose that prevailed.
Assuming the Ambrose role this time is posh graduate Chris Bates, while up against him assuming the Kristina Grimes role is Stella English, who to an untrained eye bears a slight resemblance to a young Amanda Redman, the star of geriatric detective series, New Tricks. Bates' place in the final looked like a long shot in the early stages of the process given that he was on the losing team in five out of the first seven tasks, being brought back into the boardroom and into the line of fire on more than one occasion. This point was not lost on Lord Sugar, who advised the Politics graduate to buck his ideas up. Bates certainly seemed to do this and he will have particularly impressed Sugar on the week 10 tourism task where he took a calculated risk in his negotiation with the London Tourist Centre, given them a 20 per cent cut of all revenue his team made, much to his colleagues' disgust. That this was a gamble was unquestionable and had it gone wrong, Bates could well have ended up getting fired, but Sugar himself will know that entrepreneurship is about taking risks to be successful and this risk was gloriously successful. It was a smart move on his part and he has demonstrated in previous tasks that he has a good business brain and does not shirk his responsibility when it comes to the hard sell either.
Bates' obvious weakness is his monotonous presentational style which has been highlighted more than once during the process, but this in itself is not going to hold him back. The winner two years ago, Lee McQueen, was an even worse presenter but that did not prevent him from being hired. The clue is in the title of the programme, it is to be expected that there are some items that will need to be ironed out in the event of employment being taken up.
His opponent in the final task, Stella English, has consistently performed well throughout the course of the series, despite having to fend off accusations of being wooden, cold and corporate. Some of these accusations are natural and have a grain of truth about them. The Londoner's background as an employee of a Japanese investment bank for some ten years means that she is used to an institutionalised, corporate culture. But it is also worth highlighting that her employers have effectively created roles for her, thereby recognising her importance and abilities. She has also shown a certain steeliness about her during the process and it would appear that she has kept a certain amount of distance between herself and her competitors. But, as she acknowledged herself, she is not there to win friends, she is there because she is ambitious and wants to gain employment in the Sugar empire.
It is worth remembering how well Stella did when managing a team of disorganised, in-fighting men during the second week of the process and her task-focused approach produced the desired result with her team winning the task. But she has also been equally adept at working hard when she has not been Team Leader, coming out of her natural comfort zone when being a tour guide in week 10 and also acting as a beachwear model in one of the other tasks. 'Taking one for the team' as one of the other candidates put it does not appear to be a problem for her if it is a means to an end. Apart from being typecast as robotic, she does not appear to have many points of weakness other than not being the most natural salesperson or negotiator. This was demonstrated in the purchasing task where she bought items for a higher price because she did not barter effectively, which led to her team losing the task.
The final task sees both candidates having to pitch an idea for a new brand of alcoholic drink, targetting adults aged over 25. Given that one of the candidates is called Stella, this seems like an unfair advantage! On the surface, it seems like there is little to choose between the two candidates and the performance on the final task could end up having a bearing on who wins the whole shooting match. However, I can see Chris being a better fit for Sugar's organisation, which is why I make him favourite to win. He is that much younger than Stella and has a comparatively short business career behind him, whereas Stella has worked under one organisational culture for ten years and will require more of an adjustment to then acclimatise to Sugar's enterprises, which will be far removed from the corporate setup that Stella will have experienced working in a bank.
Chris will be prone to mistakes and will sometimes need to be reined in from his instincts, but he has shown that he is able to produce results when working independently. The only question mark that Sugar may have is whether he would be using this as a career stepping stone, seeing him move on within a year to something more lucrative. But I would not think this would deter Sugar from hiring him, and for much the same reason as Simon Ambrose won the third series, I expect this vintage sixth series to close with Chris Bates taking the honours.
Music on television striking a low note
Flicking the channels one Sunday night recently, I stumbled across the Strictly Come Dancing results show, featuring the television presenter I like to call the bookcase, Claudia Winkleman. This epithet I have provided is not because I imagine Eve Pollard's doe-eyed daughter to be an avid user of a bibliotheque, but more that her presentational style is decidedly, well, wooden. But I digress. What was more disturbing than Claudia's apparent difficulty at even uttering her own name without referring to the autocue was the choice of musical guest as the antipasta to the succulent main course of Anne Widdecombe finally being asked to leave the dancefloor. Given that such light entertainment, family oriented shows usually see musical interludes from such accomplished music legends as James Blunt, Michael Buble and Jamie Cullum, I had to do a double take when I realised who was performing. Surely not it couldn't be. I must be hallucinating. This must be my imagination. But no, no it really is them. There in the flesh, on Sunday primetime television on a dancing programme performing their new single was.....THE MANIC STREET PREACHERS!!!
This was no wind-up, this was for real. The Welsh dragons on the drumkit was the telltale sign that here on a family light entertainment show designed for the mainstream was a band who once wanted to start revolutions and rebellions and tear down the walls held up by the mainstream and their MOR preferences. How can it be that this band of musical revolutionaries, who have done more to put the voice of protest into musical form than arguably any other British band of the past two decades, found themselves resorting to plugging their new single in the company of Eastenders cast-offs and professional dancers, and to a watching television audience consisting in no small number of people from the blue rinse brigade?
On one level, this development was just indicative of the ageing process. John Lydon was once uncouth simply for the sake of keeping down with the kids. These days his uncouthness is presented on demand for the purposes of product placement in exchange for a pile of paper with the head of the woman he once condemned in punk prose. Paul Weller was once an angry young man that challenged the elite with such anthemic attacks on the privileged classes as 'Eton Rifles' but in later years, his sound has become more soothing and mellow, much like the musical equivalent of Horlicks. The Manics have been in the business for 20 years as men and boys and messrs Bradfield and Wire are now at a stage where Saga holidays in the Brecon Beacons are looming on the horizon, while jolly boys' outings to Llandudno are becoming a hazy memory.
But there was a more practical reason for the Manics' purposeful selling out to the mainstream. Music television as a platform is a very limited and disjointed medium in the current climate. Back in the day, it was much more simple than this. Band would get airplay on Radio 1 and would get in the charts. Band would then put themselves out in the public consciousness further by performing on Top Of The Pops. These days, competition for places in the charts is fiercer than ever due to the vast amount of choice available through downloading media, be it iTunes, Spotify or whoever else you care to mention. It only takes an advertising campaign which uses a certain song to get that back into the public's consciousness and it can re-enter the charts. Failing that, some out-of-tune wannabe that attracts the support of Louis Walsh can commit falsetto homicide on the X-Factor and propel the original, previously long forgotten track back into the charts. And then at this time of year, there is always the seasonal effect that sees people getting merry on the sherry and coming under the influence while in control of iTunes, resulting in the wholesale purchase of Christmas novelty songs.
Nowadays, the range of choice in terms of radio stations mean that promoting a new single via that medium is that much harder simply because people's listening pleasures are much more diverse, whereas once upon a time music radio's audience would essentially be drawn from two national stations, plus one commercial radio station in the local area. Getting the requisite attention in an ever more competitive music chart has become much harder and this has meant that bands and musicians have had to make themselves available to appear in settings that they would never have dreamt as being an option even five years ago.
The lack of specialist music platforms available to recording artists on terrestrial television is a rather disturbing development at present and it means that children and teenagers in particular are being deprived the opportunity of seeing many of the genuine stars of recorded music, while being subjected to the artificial side of the music industry. Think back a decade and television had several music oriented programmes, most notably with Top of the Pops, but also including the ITV Chart Show, TFI Friday, Friday Night With Jonathan Ross and Later with Jools Holland. Jools remains to this day and his show is fantastic at managing bring together artists and transcending traditional music genres, but the problem is that his show is not on every week of the year. When the Crown Jools of music television is off air (you've got to appreciate what I did there!) there are few other music platforms available, other than T4 and the Album Chart Show on Channel 4. How, and more pertinently why has music television eaten itself up in this way?
The simple answer to this appears to be a case of short-term thinking by television executives. It was the men in grey suits that deemed that Top Of The Pops had come to the end of the road because of consumer buying habits and falling ratings. Yet, there was a much simpler explanation for Top Of The Pops' falling ratings, namely that it was being scheduled at the wrong time. The programme was habitually screened at 7:30 on a Friday night, in direct competition with Coronation Street on ITV1. Given that Corrie has generally been the first or second highest rated television programme for the vast majority of the past two decades, it stands to reason that the BBC's flagship programme was taking a kicking in the ratings. Had it not occurred to the schedulers that simply moving the programme to another night or another time might have made more sense? Wednesday night at 7:00 maybe, or even run the programme as a live show on a Sunday night an hour after the charts have aired on Radio 1 and that way the chart news would be hot off the press and would make the programme feel fresh. Top Of The Pops typically returns twice a year over Christmas and New Year, including its special Christmas Day episode that prefixes the Queen's Speech. It will not take Paddy Power to identify that this episode will poll high in the Christmas ratings list.
The absence of specialist music television shows dedicated to live performances means that established acts have to be more creative and accommodating about where they go to perform their new material and this is beginning to result in credible acts performing their latest numbers in the most curious of settings. For the Manics in the Strictly studio, read also KT Tunstall performing on the Andrew Marr Show and Daybreak. This is perhaps less of a concern for upcoming acts who are more technology savvy in using the likes of YouTube, Twitter and MySpace in order to publicise their material and live performances. But it would seem myopic to believe that just because social media platforms are available that more conventional media should become redundant for the purposes of performing live music.
There is a real possibility that a whole new generation of the British public will grow up and only see live music segments performed on the likes of the X-Factor and as a short interlude on gentle, breezy chat programmes where the material cannot be too edgy in case it frightens the horses, or wakens Alan Titchmarsh from his almost permanent comatosed state. This seems like a terrible waste because the likes of TFI Friday were once programmes where the audience could discover previously untapped gems. The equivalent programmes in 2010 are conspicuous by their absence and only serves to prove that the major media platforms are obsessively concerned with bending over to meet the demands of advertisers and grabbing the all-important ratings, regardless of whether they are removing the contents of their network's soul at one and the same time.
Monday, 29 November 2010
Playlists 27 to 46
I realised that it has been around 2 months since I last updated my playlist pleasures on this blogspace. Since then, I have had occasion on assorted journeys to listen to another 20 alphabetically influenced playlists via my iPod. When I last provided an update, the musical journey had got as far as the letter E. As you will see below, the journey has swiftly moved on now to the letter I, with a few surprise calling points along the way.
PLAYLIST #27
Manic Street Preachers - Everything Must Go
The Killers - Everything Will Be Alright
Ash - Evil Eye
Massive Attack - Exchange
U2 - Exit
Madonna - Express Yourself
Travis - Eyes Wide Open
Billy Idol - Eyes Without A Face
Ian Brown - FEAR
Oasis - Fade Away
The Thrills - Faded Beauty Queens
The National - Fake Empire
Razorlight - Fall, Fall, Fall
Crowded House - Fall At Your Feet
PLAYLIST #28
McAlmont & Butler - Falling
The Rifles - Fall To Sorrow
Oasis - Falling Down
Cherry Ghost - False Alarm
KT Tunstall - False Alarm
Pink - Family Portrait
White Lies - Farewell To The Fairground
David Bowie - Fashion
Fyfe Dangerfield - Faster Than The Setting Sun
Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls
Lily Allen - The Fear
Muse - Feeling Good
Jamiroquai - Feels Just Like It Should
Deacon Blue - Fergus Sings The Blues
U2 - Fez (Being Born)
PLAYLIST #29
Corinne Bailey Rae - Feels Like The First Time
Sting - Fields Of Gold
White Lies - Fifty On Our Foreheads
Moby - Find My Baby
Snow Patrol - The Finish Line
Fyfe Dangerfield - Firebird
Embrace - Fireworks
Morrissey - The First Of The Gang To Die
Lotus Eaters - The First Picture Of You
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The Waterboys - Fisherman's Blues
Port O'Brien - Fisherman's Son
Elbow - The Fix
PLAYLIST #30
Coldplay - Fix You
Queen - Flash
Massive Attack - Flat Of The Blade
Travis - Flowers In The Windows
Lene Marlin - Flown Away
U2 - The Fly
Regina Spektor - Folding Chair
The Beatles - The Fool On The Hill
Rolling Stones - Fool To Cry
The Killers - For Reasons Unknown
Simply Red - For Your Babies
Oasis - Force Of Nature
The Cure - A Forest
Moby - Forever
PLAYLIST #31
The Magic Numbers - Forever Lost
The Pretenders - Forever Young
Alanis Morissette - Forgiven
The Thrills - Found My Rosebud
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Fountain
Crowded House - Four Seasons In One Day
Sharleen Spiteri - Francoise
Kings Of Convenience - Freedom And Its Owner
The Cure - Friday I'm In Love
Elbow - Friends Of Ours
White Lies - From The Stars
The Beatles - From Me To You
Madonna - Frozen
PLAYLIST #32
Johnny Cash - Fulsom Prison Blues
Massive Attack - Future Proof
Lamb - Gabriel
Chemical Brothers - Galvanize
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Game
Oasis - Gas Panic
Nerina Pallot - Geek Love
Regina Spektor - Genius Next Door
Glasvegas - Geraldine
The Beatles - Get Back
Texas - Get Down To Night
The Dandy Warhols - Get Off
Rolling Stones - Get Off Of My Cloud
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Get On Top
U2 - Get On Your Boots
The Eagles - Get Over It
PLAYLIST #33
Pink - Get The Party Started
Athlete - The Getaway
Texas - Getaway
Prince - Gett Off
Electronic - Getting Away With It
Simple Minds - Ghostdancing
The Specials - Ghost Town
Alanis Morissette - Giggling Again For No Reason
Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
Oasis - The Girl In The Dirty Shirt
The Beatles - Girl
PLAYLIST #34
Edwyn Collins - A Girl Like You
The White Stripes - Girl You Have No Faith In Medicine
Supertramp - Give A Little Bit
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Give It Away
Hothouse Flowers - Give It Up
Green Day - Give Me Novocaine
Dirty Vegas - Given You Everything
The Killers - Glamorous Indie Rock N' Roll
Bat For Lashes - Glass
Coldplay - Glass Of Water
Simple Minds - Glittering Prize
RPA/UN Of Sound - Glory
Portishead - Glory Box
Oasis - Go Let It Out
Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way
PLAYLIST #35
The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
The Dandy Warhols - Godless
Shed Seven - Going For Gold
Oasis - Going Nowhere
The Jam - Going Underground
Lamb - Gold
Kings Of Convenience - Gold In The Air Of Summer
Manic Street Preachers - Golden Platitudes
Klaxons - Golden Skans
Razorlight - Golden Touch
David Bowie - Golden Years
U2 - Gone
Texas - Good Advice
Feargal Sharkey - A Good Heart
Bat For Lashes - Good Love
PLAYLIST #36
RPA/UN Of Sound - Good Lovin'
Queen - Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
Jack Johnson - Good People
Green Day - Good Riddance
The Courteneers - Good Times Are Calling
The Hoosiers - Goodbye Mr A
Supertramp - Goodbye Stranger
Kooks - Got No Love
Hard-Fi - Gotta Reason
Embrace - Gravity
PLAYLIST #37
U2 - Gloria
Rumer - Goodbye Girl
The Killers - Goodnight, Travel Well
Snow Patrol - Grazed Knees
Moby - Great Escape
The Rifles - The Great Escape
Coldplay - Green Eyes
The National - Green Gloves
Madness - Grey Day
Elbow - Grounds For Divorce
Oasis - Guess God Thinks I'm Abel
Delphic - Halcyon
Texas - Halo
PLAYLIST #38
Oasis - Half The World Away
Nerina Pallot - Halfway Home
Queen - Hammer To Fall
Garbage - Hammering In My Head
Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket
U2 - The Hands That Built America
Blondie - Hanging On The Telephone
Moby/Sinead O'Connor - Harbour
The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night
Brandon Flowers - Hard Enough
Alanis Morissette - Hands Clean
PLAYLIST #39
Hard-Fi - Hard To Beat
Sheryl Crow - Hard To Make A Stand
The White Stripes - The Hardest Button To Button
Coldplay - The Hardest Part
The Hollies - He Ain't Heavy
Reverend & The Makers - He Said He Loved Me
Alanis Morissette - Head Over Feet
Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels
Arcade Fire - Headlights Look Like Diamonds
Snow Patrol - Headlights On Dark Roads
Echo & The Bunnymen - Heads Will Roll
KT Tunstall - Heal Over
Rumer - Healer
Nerina Pallot - Heart Attack
PLAYLIST #40
Blondie - Heart Of Glass
The Eagles - Heartache Tonight
Bryan Adams - Heaven
Queen - Heaven For Everyone
Reverend & The Makers - Heavyweight Champion Of The World
Skunk Anansie - Hedonism
Bloc Party - Helicopter
Oasis - Hello
AC/DC - Hells Bells
The Beatles - Help!
The Fratellis - Henrietta
The Sundays - Here's Where The Story Ends
Whitesnake - Here I Go Again
David Bowie - Heroes
PLAYLIST #41
The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun
Icehouse - Hey Little Girl
Fyfe Dangerfield - High On The Tide
Coldplay - High Speed
Jamiroquai - High Times
Echo & The Bunnymen - Higher Hell
Oasis - The Hindu Times
The Rifles - History
The Propellerheads - History Repeating
U2 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
Razorlight - Hold On
Joss Stone - Holding Out For A Hero
Green Day - Holiday
The Thrills - Hollywood Kids
PLAYLIST #42
Sheryl Crow - Home
Dirty Vegas - Home Again
Kings Of Convenience - Homesick
Simon & Garfunkel - Homeward Bound
Moby - Honey
Rolling Stones - Honky Tonk Women
Muse - Hoodoo
The Dandy Warhols - Horse Pills
America - A Horse With No Name
Razorlight - Hostage Of Love
The Eagles - Hotel California
Squeeze - Hourglass
The Futureheads - Hounds Of Love
PLAYLIST #43
Madness - House Of Fun
Doves - House Of Mirrors
The Animals - The House Of The Rising Sun
The Courteeners - How Come
RPA/UN Of Sound - How Deep Is Your Man
Travis - How Many Hearts
Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead
James - How Was It For You
The Killers - Human
Nerina Pallot - Human
The Pretenders - Human
Dirty Vegas - Human Love
Regina Spektor - Human Of The Year
Bruce Springsteen - Human Touch
The Beatles - Hey Jude
PLAYLIST #44
Oasis - Hey Now
Dolores O'Riordan - Human Spirit
Travis - The Humpty Dumpty Love Song
Madonna - Hung Up
Bruce Springsteen - Hungry Heart
Dido - Hunter
Johnny Cash - Hurt
Simple Minds - Hypnotised
Muse - Hysteria
The Pretenders - Hymn To Her
PLAYLIST #45
Corinne Bailey Rae - I'd Do It All Again
Kings Of Convenience - I'd Rather Dance With You
U2 - I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
Deacon Blue - I'll Never Fall In Love Again
The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
Sharleen Spiteri - I'm Going To Haunt You
Blondie - I'm Always Touched By Your Presence Dear
The Passions - I'm In Love With A German Film Star
Pigeon Detectives - I'm Not Sorry
Bruce Springsteen - I'm On Fire
Oasis - I'm Outta Time
Morrissey - I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
The Stone Roses - I Am The Resurrection
The Beatles - I Am The Walrus
Elvis Costello - I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down
PLAYLIST #46
Rolling Stones - I Can't Get No Satisfaction
The Killers - I Can't Stay
Razorlight - I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got
The Eagles - I Can't Tell You Why
Red Hot Chili Peppers - I Could Die For You
Last Shadow Puppets - I Don't Like You Anymore
KT Tunstall - I Don't Want You Now
Texas - I Don't Want A Lover
The Beatles - I Feel Fine
Crowded House - I Feel Possessed
Pigeon Detectives - I Found Out
Mumford & Sons - I Gave You All
The Pretenders - I Go To Sleep
Ray Charles - I Got A Woman
James Brown - I Got You (I Feel Good)
Oasis - I Hope, I Think, I Know
The White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
Split Enz - I Got You
Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot
The Coral - I Remember When
U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
PLAYLIST #27
Manic Street Preachers - Everything Must Go
The Killers - Everything Will Be Alright
Ash - Evil Eye
Massive Attack - Exchange
U2 - Exit
Madonna - Express Yourself
Travis - Eyes Wide Open
Billy Idol - Eyes Without A Face
Ian Brown - FEAR
Oasis - Fade Away
The Thrills - Faded Beauty Queens
The National - Fake Empire
Razorlight - Fall, Fall, Fall
Crowded House - Fall At Your Feet
PLAYLIST #28
McAlmont & Butler - Falling
The Rifles - Fall To Sorrow
Oasis - Falling Down
Cherry Ghost - False Alarm
KT Tunstall - False Alarm
Pink - Family Portrait
White Lies - Farewell To The Fairground
David Bowie - Fashion
Fyfe Dangerfield - Faster Than The Setting Sun
Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls
Lily Allen - The Fear
Muse - Feeling Good
Jamiroquai - Feels Just Like It Should
Deacon Blue - Fergus Sings The Blues
U2 - Fez (Being Born)
PLAYLIST #29
Corinne Bailey Rae - Feels Like The First Time
Sting - Fields Of Gold
White Lies - Fifty On Our Foreheads
Moby - Find My Baby
Snow Patrol - The Finish Line
Fyfe Dangerfield - Firebird
Embrace - Fireworks
Morrissey - The First Of The Gang To Die
Lotus Eaters - The First Picture Of You
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
The Waterboys - Fisherman's Blues
Port O'Brien - Fisherman's Son
Elbow - The Fix
PLAYLIST #30
Coldplay - Fix You
Queen - Flash
Massive Attack - Flat Of The Blade
Travis - Flowers In The Windows
Lene Marlin - Flown Away
U2 - The Fly
Regina Spektor - Folding Chair
The Beatles - The Fool On The Hill
Rolling Stones - Fool To Cry
The Killers - For Reasons Unknown
Simply Red - For Your Babies
Oasis - Force Of Nature
The Cure - A Forest
Moby - Forever
PLAYLIST #31
The Magic Numbers - Forever Lost
The Pretenders - Forever Young
Alanis Morissette - Forgiven
The Thrills - Found My Rosebud
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Fountain
Crowded House - Four Seasons In One Day
Sharleen Spiteri - Francoise
Kings Of Convenience - Freedom And Its Owner
The Cure - Friday I'm In Love
Elbow - Friends Of Ours
White Lies - From The Stars
The Beatles - From Me To You
Madonna - Frozen
PLAYLIST #32
Johnny Cash - Fulsom Prison Blues
Massive Attack - Future Proof
Lamb - Gabriel
Chemical Brothers - Galvanize
Echo & The Bunnymen - The Game
Oasis - Gas Panic
Nerina Pallot - Geek Love
Regina Spektor - Genius Next Door
Glasvegas - Geraldine
The Beatles - Get Back
Texas - Get Down To Night
The Dandy Warhols - Get Off
Rolling Stones - Get Off Of My Cloud
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Get On Top
U2 - Get On Your Boots
The Eagles - Get Over It
PLAYLIST #33
Pink - Get The Party Started
Athlete - The Getaway
Texas - Getaway
Prince - Gett Off
Electronic - Getting Away With It
Simple Minds - Ghostdancing
The Specials - Ghost Town
Alanis Morissette - Giggling Again For No Reason
Rolling Stones - Gimme Shelter
Oasis - The Girl In The Dirty Shirt
The Beatles - Girl
PLAYLIST #34
Edwyn Collins - A Girl Like You
The White Stripes - Girl You Have No Faith In Medicine
Supertramp - Give A Little Bit
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Give It Away
Hothouse Flowers - Give It Up
Green Day - Give Me Novocaine
Dirty Vegas - Given You Everything
The Killers - Glamorous Indie Rock N' Roll
Bat For Lashes - Glass
Coldplay - Glass Of Water
Simple Minds - Glittering Prize
RPA/UN Of Sound - Glory
Portishead - Glory Box
Oasis - Go Let It Out
Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way
PLAYLIST #35
The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
Coldplay - God Put A Smile Upon Your Face
The Dandy Warhols - Godless
Shed Seven - Going For Gold
Oasis - Going Nowhere
The Jam - Going Underground
Lamb - Gold
Kings Of Convenience - Gold In The Air Of Summer
Manic Street Preachers - Golden Platitudes
Klaxons - Golden Skans
Razorlight - Golden Touch
David Bowie - Golden Years
U2 - Gone
Texas - Good Advice
Feargal Sharkey - A Good Heart
Bat For Lashes - Good Love
PLAYLIST #36
RPA/UN Of Sound - Good Lovin'
Queen - Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
Jack Johnson - Good People
Green Day - Good Riddance
The Courteneers - Good Times Are Calling
The Hoosiers - Goodbye Mr A
Supertramp - Goodbye Stranger
Kooks - Got No Love
Hard-Fi - Gotta Reason
Embrace - Gravity
PLAYLIST #37
U2 - Gloria
Rumer - Goodbye Girl
The Killers - Goodnight, Travel Well
Snow Patrol - Grazed Knees
Moby - Great Escape
The Rifles - The Great Escape
Coldplay - Green Eyes
The National - Green Gloves
Madness - Grey Day
Elbow - Grounds For Divorce
Oasis - Guess God Thinks I'm Abel
Delphic - Halcyon
Texas - Halo
PLAYLIST #38
Oasis - Half The World Away
Nerina Pallot - Halfway Home
Queen - Hammer To Fall
Garbage - Hammering In My Head
Alanis Morissette - Hand In My Pocket
U2 - The Hands That Built America
Blondie - Hanging On The Telephone
Moby/Sinead O'Connor - Harbour
The Beatles - A Hard Day's Night
Brandon Flowers - Hard Enough
Alanis Morissette - Hands Clean
PLAYLIST #39
Hard-Fi - Hard To Beat
Sheryl Crow - Hard To Make A Stand
The White Stripes - The Hardest Button To Button
Coldplay - The Hardest Part
The Hollies - He Ain't Heavy
Reverend & The Makers - He Said He Loved Me
Alanis Morissette - Head Over Feet
Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels
Arcade Fire - Headlights Look Like Diamonds
Snow Patrol - Headlights On Dark Roads
Echo & The Bunnymen - Heads Will Roll
KT Tunstall - Heal Over
Rumer - Healer
Nerina Pallot - Heart Attack
PLAYLIST #40
Blondie - Heart Of Glass
The Eagles - Heartache Tonight
Bryan Adams - Heaven
Queen - Heaven For Everyone
Reverend & The Makers - Heavyweight Champion Of The World
Skunk Anansie - Hedonism
Bloc Party - Helicopter
Oasis - Hello
AC/DC - Hells Bells
The Beatles - Help!
The Fratellis - Henrietta
The Sundays - Here's Where The Story Ends
Whitesnake - Here I Go Again
David Bowie - Heroes
PLAYLIST #41
The Beatles - Here Comes The Sun
Icehouse - Hey Little Girl
Fyfe Dangerfield - High On The Tide
Coldplay - High Speed
Jamiroquai - High Times
Echo & The Bunnymen - Higher Hell
Oasis - The Hindu Times
The Rifles - History
The Propellerheads - History Repeating
U2 - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
Razorlight - Hold On
Joss Stone - Holding Out For A Hero
Green Day - Holiday
The Thrills - Hollywood Kids
PLAYLIST #42
Sheryl Crow - Home
Dirty Vegas - Home Again
Kings Of Convenience - Homesick
Simon & Garfunkel - Homeward Bound
Moby - Honey
Rolling Stones - Honky Tonk Women
Muse - Hoodoo
The Dandy Warhols - Horse Pills
America - A Horse With No Name
Razorlight - Hostage Of Love
The Eagles - Hotel California
Squeeze - Hourglass
The Futureheads - Hounds Of Love
PLAYLIST #43
Madness - House Of Fun
Doves - House Of Mirrors
The Animals - The House Of The Rising Sun
The Courteeners - How Come
RPA/UN Of Sound - How Deep Is Your Man
Travis - How Many Hearts
Snow Patrol - How To Be Dead
James - How Was It For You
The Killers - Human
Nerina Pallot - Human
The Pretenders - Human
Dirty Vegas - Human Love
Regina Spektor - Human Of The Year
Bruce Springsteen - Human Touch
The Beatles - Hey Jude
PLAYLIST #44
Oasis - Hey Now
Dolores O'Riordan - Human Spirit
Travis - The Humpty Dumpty Love Song
Madonna - Hung Up
Bruce Springsteen - Hungry Heart
Dido - Hunter
Johnny Cash - Hurt
Simple Minds - Hypnotised
Muse - Hysteria
The Pretenders - Hymn To Her
PLAYLIST #45
Corinne Bailey Rae - I'd Do It All Again
Kings Of Convenience - I'd Rather Dance With You
U2 - I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight
Deacon Blue - I'll Never Fall In Love Again
The Pretenders - I'll Stand By You
Sharleen Spiteri - I'm Going To Haunt You
Blondie - I'm Always Touched By Your Presence Dear
The Passions - I'm In Love With A German Film Star
Pigeon Detectives - I'm Not Sorry
Bruce Springsteen - I'm On Fire
Oasis - I'm Outta Time
Morrissey - I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
The Stone Roses - I Am The Resurrection
The Beatles - I Am The Walrus
Elvis Costello - I Can't Stand Up For Falling Down
PLAYLIST #46
Rolling Stones - I Can't Get No Satisfaction
The Killers - I Can't Stay
Razorlight - I Can't Stop This Feeling I've Got
The Eagles - I Can't Tell You Why
Red Hot Chili Peppers - I Could Die For You
Last Shadow Puppets - I Don't Like You Anymore
KT Tunstall - I Don't Want You Now
Texas - I Don't Want A Lover
The Beatles - I Feel Fine
Crowded House - I Feel Possessed
Pigeon Detectives - I Found Out
Mumford & Sons - I Gave You All
The Pretenders - I Go To Sleep
Ray Charles - I Got A Woman
James Brown - I Got You (I Feel Good)
Oasis - I Hope, I Think, I Know
The White Stripes - I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself
Split Enz - I Got You
Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict A Riot
The Coral - I Remember When
U2 - I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Sunday, 10 October 2010
The good pub guide - Part 1
Whilst engaging in an exchange of bar-room musings with a friend of mine, we got into talking about pubs. During the conversation, my friend asked me how many pubs and bars within Brighton and Hove I had ventured into in my life on this planet up to now. This prompted me to go away and raid the old memory bank and see if I could hit upon something like a definitive ball park figure. I hope that over the course of this blog, I will be able to provide exactly that, as well as sharing some of my experiences and memories of pubs that I have been in and saying which of Brighton and Hove's hostelries are worth frequenting, and which should be given a wide berth.
Deciding on what should make the list though required some basic guidelines. The question I was posed was "how many pubs had I visited in Brighton and Hove", so it was only right and proper that the boundaries I confined my retrospective pub crawl to remained in that area. Therefore, pubs that I have visited in Shoreham-By-Sea, Lewes, Burgess Hill and Hassocks are not included in the tally. Portslade was the most obvious boundary to the west, while Telscombe Cliffs is as far as the eligibility criteria stretches to the east. The corridor around the bypass that includes Devils Dyke, Patcham and Falmer were what I settled on as being the appropriate boundary. As for the southern boundary, I figured that anything at the other end of the blue aquatic expanse would be French terra-firma.
The other main guideline was deciding on what establishments would be eligible for a listing. If all of the watering holes I had visited followed the convention of being a classic British spit and sawdust establishment, then finding a definitive figure would have been more straightforward. The issue that presented itself was that a number of said hostelries I have visited were borderline as to whether they were bars or nightclubs. In the end, I felt that I could only list places that essentially were bars with a club, rather than clubs with a bar. Hence, I have not included such joints as Oceana (or its predecessor Event II) or the Casablanca jazz club, but I have included a couple of bars with established club nights, such as Revolution (previously The Standard) and The Arc. I have also excluded restaurants from the tally, but I have included what you might term "gastro pubs" that I have visited.
There are also certain places where I have comsumed drinks for a bar, although the primary reason for being at the venue was for another activity. I am particularly thinking of sports venues where drinks were consumed as part of day's activity or after the activity had finished. I have decided that it would be wrong to exclude such venues from the overall tally, but I have decided not to provide any rating for these venues.
As you might expect, there are some establishments that have had a refit or a name change during my years of legal drinking. Some pubs in fact have had 2 or 3 name changes in that time. I have decided, for the purposes of clarity, to just list one entry for each venue, but make a reference to the other names the venue has had where that applies.
Despite having been to a good many pubs and bars in my hitherto fourteen years of legal drinking, upon tapping into my memory bank, it would appear that there are still a good number of pubs and bars within Brighton and Hove where I have yet to sample the core products.
I will list the pubs I have visited by each area of Brighton and Hove, along with a short summary and a rating. Without giving away the total pubs/bars I have visited at this juncture, this is likely to require 3 or 4 instalments in total.
So let's get down to business. This is thirsty work though, so I'll have a pint of Guinness regular from the tap, if you don't mind.
QUEENS PARK/HANOVER AREA
1. The Hanover - Older readers will recall that this pub was once called the Queens Park Tavern and it was my local all the while I lived at home. Strangely, given that it was a local, I never set foot in the place under its old guise. The pub had a bad reputation and it was not until the pub was re-opened and re-branded as The Hanover that I paid a visit. There are examples of name changes to pubs that ruin their character, but The Hanover has been greatly enhanced by the change. It has a relaxed, chilled out atmosphere and also does some good food, particularly at weekends. The pub is spacious and uncluttered and the bad days of the QPT are a hazy memory. Rating 8/10
2. Duke of Beaufort - Situated on the corner of Queens Park Road and Islingword Road, almost opposite the iconic Pepper Pot, the Duke is a no-frills pub that I think has had the same owners for the whole time since I first set foot in the establishment over 10 years ago. The pub is perhaps best known for having a Thai restaurant upstairs, although I cannot say that I have had the pleasure. The pub has all the usual pub amenities such as a big screen, digital jukebox and a pool table (it had one in its beer garden at one point) but on the downside, it has also inherited some of the clientele that previously frequented the Queens Park Tavern. Nothing terribly bad about the pub, but not as appealing as some other places that are nearby. Rating 4/10
3. Walmer Castle - If The Hanover is a prime example of how a pub can be positively transformed by a refit, then sadly the Walmer Castle is the polar opposite. I used to regard the Walmer Castle as the best of Hanover's many fine hostelries when it had a vibrant, outlandish exterior and a calm and relaxing interior, including two fish tanks which added well to the ambience. It was the perfect place to unwind on a slow Sunday after a heavy Saturday night. A refit late last year, however, has stripped the place of its character with the bright exterior replaced by a dull grey, while the inside has become a soulless and deserted place. Sad when it happens, but the Walmer has fallen upon hard times. Rating 8/10 pre-refit, 3/10 now
4. The Racehorse Inn - Pub at the junction of Queens Park Road and Elm Grove which has recently had a name change, with the new pub setting itself out to be a food oriented venue. I have not visited the new venue and in fact only visited its predecessor once, when I did not find the place to be a welcoming or luxuriating location. Rating 3/10
5. The Constant Service - This pub used to very deliberately set itself as a no-frills and no-gimmicks pub that just knew how to serve a good pint. In recent times, the pub has moved a little from its original standpoint and now has a couple of television screens that broadcast live sport. As a Harvey's pub, it also retains a following among the local real ale drinkers. Overall, a friendly and cheerful pub with a pleasant courtyard for drinking on those warm summer days. Rating 7/10
6. The Horse & Groom - Another example of a pub that never recovered from an ownership change. This used to be a regular haunt of mine on Sunday afternoons in the early part of the noughties for the Super Sunday football and a few pints of Boddingtons (a beer served in very few pubs in Brighton or Hove). The licensees had run the pub for over 10 years but when they moved out of the area around 5 years ago, sadly the pub's fortunes rapidly ran south. After an incident in which thieves attempted to steal beer from the cellar, it was long after that the pub closed altogether. A great shame as the H&G was a vibrant and lively alehouse when I first sampled it and it also had 2 memorable features that made it stand out. These being the deliberate wall of graffiti in the men's toilets and the lovely warm, open fire on winter days. Rating 7/10 pre-ownership change, 2/10 afterwards
7. The London Unity - This pub is a few doors down from the now closed Horse & Groom yet its clientele and atmosphere could almost be a million miles away. Whereas the H&G was the classic spit and sawdust establishment, The London Unity is well known as a vibrant, student oriented venue with regular live music and DJs playing at the venue. I have not visited the place for a few years now, but I can remember back in the day that it was a very cramped and busy venue on Friday nights when a DJ was playing. Despite this, the pub also retained a slightly homely feel, with a range of board games being available to play in the back room. If you dislike noisy pubs, this place is probably not for you, but it is definitely a place for the latest crop of freshers to check out. Rating 7/10
8. The Cobden Arms - I tend to find pubs situated in backstreets are either hidden gems or insular, cliquey dives that time forgot. Sadly, in the case of the Cobden Arms, my two visits have led me to believe that this place belongs in the second category. All of us at some time or another will have experienced that feeling of being stared at as a stranger on someone else's patch. This particular experience came when I visited the Cobden Arms for the first time. I was half expecting the landlord to set an Alsatian on me and force me to leave the premises due to me being this illegal alien invading their space. Avoid like the plague. Rating 1/10
9. Reservoir - Like the Cobden Arms, this place is found in one of the backstreets lying between Islingword Road and Elm Grove. Unlike the Cobden Arms, it is quite a decent watering hole, although first impressions could leave you feeling a little bit cold. The pub is a little bit soulless as it does not have the feel of a traditional pub and it is also a pub that is largely deserted during daylight hours. Yet, this strangely makes the Reservoir a good place to unwind for a quiet drink away from the hustle and bustle and it has a small, but perfectly formed beer garden. The place also tends to come alive on Friday and Saturday nights, with it being popular with young professionals and students. Not the most atmospheric of pubs, but it is quite a welcoming place to unwind for a couple of pints before heading somewhere bigger and brasher. Rating 7/10
10. The Pub With No Name - The pub with the identity crisis is actually a lot more savvy than it sounds. Hell's own hill Southover Street helpfully has five pubs on it to retire to for a much needed rest, with the Pub With No Name situated at the very top of both the hill and the billing. There is a lot to like about the place which seems to be popular with both families venturing out for Sunday lunch and weekend sports fans watching the match on the big screen. The mixture of the 2 groups is not always an easy alliance, but the welcoming nature of the pub and its well spread layout means that generally it is not a major problem. The drinks are relatively inexpensive compared to other places in the area and the food is popular too. Rating 8/10
11. Sir Charles Napier - Southover Street pubs seem to have something for everybody and the Sir Charles Napier is the pub for the more traditional alehouse drinker and it generally serves an older clientele. It is renowned as a pub that is a keen supporter of real ale and so several of the beers available on tap are relatively unheralded regional ales. This makes the pub very popular in CAMRA pub guides and the like and it does have the feel of a local's local. Those that are looking for a bit more vibrancy and action, however, will find that this place is not for them. Quirky, but not really a pub for the fashionistas. Rating 5/10
12. Dover Castle - Situated on the next turning down from the Sir Charles Napier, the Dover Castle is the complete antithesis. This is very much a student oriented pub and it does not have the spit and sawdust feel that its near neighbour has. This makes it off-putting for some, but I think it actually works to its advantage. The pub used to get (and I imagine still does) very busy on Friday and Saturday nights and it has certain parallels with the London Unity in its vibrancy and liking for DJs. Like other pubs in Hanover, it is the kind of pub that you would have a couple of drinks in rather than stay for a whole evening, but it is not a bad starting point for an evening out. Rating 6/10
13. The Greys - Alehouse fanatics in the area will know that The Greys is situated directly opposite The Geese and that the two pubs have what might be termed as a friendly rivalry. The Greys tends to be quite popular with the local culture vultures and the pub has been known to put on both live music and have poetry evenings. I have only visited the place a couple of times myself, but was quite struck by how unspoilt the place was. For those that want to avoid pubs with televisions, music and pub games, The Greys is the perfect antidote for you and it also has a highly acclaimed kitchen. Not been back for a while, but it is no indictment on the pub. Rating 7/10
14. The Geese - Directly opposite The Greys and generally attracts a younger audience and is particularly popular when live football is shown at the venue. Word of warning though, the place can sometimes get quite cramped on such days, not helped by how small and narrow the gangway is around by the bar. Traditionally an Irish pub, you can always be certain of a decent pint of Guinness at The Geese, which always goes down well with me. There just seems to be a missing ingredient to this place that I cannot quite put my finger on and so I tend to visit other pubs in the area as a rule. Rating 5/10
15. The Albion Inn - Albion Hill has four pubs situated on it, if you include the Walmer Castle at the very top of the road. Sadly, there is little to recommend in any of them and one visit to The Albion Inn was more than enough for me. My experience of visiting was similar to the one I experienced at the Cobden Arms and again it is the very definition of the locals' local. But even the locals seem to have deserted the place now. If you have never visited the pub, count yourself fortunate. Rating 1/10
16. Spread Eagle - There is one thing I liked about this pub and that was the colour of the exterior, a rich shade of green. Apart from that, there is very little else to recommend about the pub just further down from the aforementioned Albion Inn. The pub has become a victim of the recession and has been closed for several months. Forgive my churlishness, but I doubt anyone has noticed. Rating 1/10
17. The Setting Sun - For people that like a settle in a beer garden on a summer's afternoon, I cannot think of a pub garden anywhere in Brighton or Hove that is better to chill out in. Situated at the top of a steep hill, you can view all of Brighton's famous landmarks whilst sitting in the Setting Sun's beer garden. Like the Walmer Castle, this place used to be a hair of the dog location on a Sunday morning after the Saturday night before. The pub can be almost deserted on school nights, but it tends to flourish at weekends during the summer months. Has friendly bar staff and a homely feel to the pub as though you are sitting in someone's living room. If spicy food is your thing, this place always used to tick the boxes too. Not been back for a while, but should imagine it still retains its best features. Rating 7/10
18. The Cuthbert - This pub is no longer called The Cuthbert and has recently been turned into a gastro-pub, which I must admit seems like a curious decision given its location in a residential area between Queens Park and Craven Vale. The old Cuthbert was a slightly strange pub, mixing local hardened drinkers with young families wanting to make use of the beer garden. The garden was by far the best feature of the pub, being both spacious and also providing good views of Craven Vale and the Whitehawk hills. The pub was never the most welcoming of places and it will be interesting to see how its successor does given that its location means it will not draw that many clientele from outside the area. Rating 5/10 (as The Cuthbert)
19. The Cornerstone - This is a pub that has had a number of name changes over the years, starting out as The Admrial Napier, before becoming The Flying Pig and then The Sun before finally settling on its current name around 4 or 5 years ago. The Cornerstone is quite a cosy pub to retire to of an evening and it has some comfortable seating as well as the opportunity to prop up the bar. Apart from background music, the venue does not really do mod-cons, but it relies on its clientele to provide the atmosphere. On a quiet night, it can seem quite flat. Far worse places in the area though. Rating 6/10
20. The Wellington - My hazy memory has some recollection of having visited this pub in Elm Grove just the once on the way home from work several years ago. I think I may have stopped for one drink, decided the place was so dull and then left. This is renowned as more of a traditional drinker's haven which tends to mean you will either love the place or give it a wide berth, depending on your viewpoint. As I have not returned since my only visit, you can see where I stand. Rating 3/10
Notable absentees: The Montreal Arms, The Winner, Freshfield Inn
BRIGHTON STATION/SEVEN DIALS
21. The Tin Drum - Local franchise The Tin Drum has 4 or 5 pubs in the Brighton area where it differentiates itself from the traditional type of pub by offering table service for both drinks and food. The Tin Drum's origins are Polish and this is reflected in both their food menu and some of the drinks available from the bar. The place is a little bit on the expensive side, and food wise, they are not always the most generous with their portions. But, the service is always friendly, it is a pub you can retire to with your laptop to finish your work and there are also a good range of books and newspapers to choose from and a couple of leather sofas to recline on. A trip for fried breakfast on a Saturday morning while reading the Saturday supplements is recommended. Rating 7/10
22. The Crescent - Pub situated next to the Streamline taxi office on Clifton Hill and which is a popular after-work haunt for people working in the area. Has the feel of a very traditional pub with snug style seating in areas of the pub, plus a reasonably sized beer garden with further seating on the pavement at the front of the pub. People that tend to take the 'less is more' attitude with regards to pubs will probably warm to this place. Rating 7/10
23. The Good Companions - Here is a pub that holds many memories for me. I used to go to sixth form college just up the road and so many a free period in my college days was spent in this pub. Purely in the name of research, you will understand. Fast forward eight years and this pub would become my local, once I moved to the Seven Dials area. At first, the pub had not changed at all in the intervening period and still in fact had the same owners. In the five and a half years I have resided in the area since though, the pub has gone through three changes of ownership and two refits, in a bid to rid itself of undesirable customers. The latest change of ownership has seen the pub discontinue its showing of Sky Sports, which I think may prove to detrimental to its revenues at weekends. A pub with plenty of potential, if only it could attract the right customers. Also a pub where the earth regularly moves, owing the Hove to Brighton railway line going straight under the pub, hence the train on the sign outside. Rating 6/10
24. The Chimney House (formerly the Marquess of Exeter) - As the Marquess of Exeter, I visited this establishment on my final day at sixth form college when the pub resembled a place that time forgot with its dishevelled carpet and portable television. A decade later, I returned to discover that the Marquess was no more and that the pub had become a gastro-pub by the name of The Chimney House. The pub seemed pleasant enough, although a little bit short on atmosphere. I have not been back again since, but I would regard this to be a pub that is most suitable for having a couple of leisurely drinks and a spot of lunch in at the weekend. Rating 6/10 as Chimney House, 3/10 as Marquess of Exeter
25. Shakespeare's Head - There are 2 pubs in Brighton by this name, but the superior pub is the one located just down the hill from the Seven Dials. Although the pub is not the biggest place and subsequently it can get rather cramped on weekend nights, the pub retains some good qualities. Top of the list being its food menu, with the pub particularly noted for its sausage menu. I can also vouch for the good quality of their Sunday roasts. Although a compact pub, it is a pleasant place to relax over a pint or five and a popular venue for works drinks. Rating 7/10
26. The West Hill (formerly The Belle Vue) - This pub changed its name around eighteen months ago having previously been long established as the Belle Vue. As the Belle Vue, the venue was well renowned as being one of the few conventional pubs with a late licence at weekends, usually closing at 3 am on Friday and Saturday nights. I am not sure if this remains the case, but previously this resulted in the pub being vibrant and busy in the early hours, but conversely, it would be empty during daylight hours. Due to doing its best trade in the small hours, this occasionally meant the pub got a few people that had not paced themselves well by the end of the evening. Being a pub that stayed open late though was the main selling point, otherwise there were no outstanding features. Rating 5/10
27. Zuma - The site of a former bank at the Seven Dials junction, this kind of has the feel of a "trendy wine bar", with a quirky and arty feel to the way in which the bar is laid out. From recollection, the drinks there were a little bit on the pricey side, but the place seemed reasonably popular with a good mix of people present. Rating 5/10
28. Couch/The Rat & Trumpet - Back in the mists of time, this place just down from Seven Dials was called The Compton Arms and had a reputation for being a trouble spot. Subsequently, the pub has gone on to have three re-brandings, the latest of which sees it called 'Foggs'. As Couch and The Rat and Trumpet, the venue very rarely seemed to attract regular punters and lacked the friendly charm that the best pubs in the area have. The challenge as 'Foggs' remains in its location and I cannot see the new name making this hostelry any more appealing. Rating 2/10
29. The Battle of Trafalgar - One of my favourite retreats in my part of town, The Battle of Traf is the ideal 'hair of the dog' pub in the Dials/station area. The pub has a couple of in-house chefs and the pub is particularly well known for its Sunday roasts, which this author has sampled on several occasions. Apart from one minor criticism at the chef's penchant for peas, there is little fault to find in the Battle's menu. The pub has a homely feel with a round dining table in one corner, plus a cosy fireplace surrounded by some old hardback books. If the fireplace is the vantage point of choice in winter, then the beer garden is the place to be in summer and it is one of the best beer gardens to have a cool beer with your friends in the warmer months. A very good pub for all seasons and occasions. Rating 9/10
30. Sussex Yeoman - The Sussex Yeoman is located directly opposite the Trafalgar and is another pub well regarded for its food menu. I first encountered this pub when I was at university and ended up in there one day after lectures. Since those days, the pub has tidied itself up after it had a re-fit when it changed hands a few years ago. The pub has got some comfortable seating and is generally a busy and popular haunt on a Friday or Saturday night. There are other pubs I prefer in the area, but the Yeoman has a lot going for it. Rating 6/10
31. The Eddy - Another pub that has had a few names in its time, although in my drinking years, it has mainly been known as The Eddy or its predecessor, The Tap & Spile. I did not sample the pub when it was the Tap & Spile, but as The Eddy, the pub has carved itself a niche as a pub that attracts young professional types and as a sports bar with a big screen, it tends to be at its busiest on Sunday afternoons for big football matches. The Eddy also has an extensive food menu, although I have not eaten there myself. A decent pub and for those that are looking for somewhere to watch televised football at the weekend, this offers a plausible option. Rating 6/10
32. Duke of Wellington - Sometimes there are pubs that you become attached to and which add up to more than the sum of their parts. The Duke is one such place. In some senses, the pub defies convention because the only food it serves are pizzas, plus sandwiches and baguettes on Brighton & Hove Albion match days, whose supporters frequent the pub pre-kick off, while its beer garden is essentially a very small patio. Where the pub scores high though is in terms of its welcoming charm. When I was first introduced to the pub over 10 years ago by a university friend, the pub was a family run pub with a close knit set of regulars who would very quickly learn your name. Only one member of the family remains involved in running the pub and some of the regulars of yesteryear have moved on to be replaced by some new faces, but the Duke has retained its character. The pub had a major refit three and a half years ago and lost some of its regulars in the aftermath. However, the Duke has gradually rediscovered its mojo and is always a good place to prop up the bar and watch televised sport. Its Sunday night quiz nights are good craic too. Definitely one for the shortlist of best Brightonian boozers. Rating 9/10
33. Caxton Arms - Here is a pub that is a good example of a hidden gem tucked up a Brighton backstreet. This is another place with fond memories for me as it was the location of my works leaving do after leaving my previous job after six and a half years. Situated in the road that runs parallel to Queens Road, this pub's name pays homage to the man who invented the printing press and there are little decorative props in the pub that pay further homage. The pub has 2 bar rooms, with the back room also having a pool table and book case and has also occasionally had a television screen. In addition, the Caxton offers a range of traditional British pub grub until 9:00 pm most nights. Despite being in a backstreet, this pub gets very busy after work on a Friday night and is also popular at weekends. That is a sign of the Caxton's quality and I always look forward to a visit there. Rating 9/10
34. Royal Standard - This is a tiny pub that is situated on Queens Road just down from Brighton station. I have some recollection of a visit to this pub on St Patrick's Day a decade ago when they were serving Irish stew. The stew was delicious, but subsequent visits to the Royal Standard have been somewhat underwhelming. Generally, the pub seems to be pretty empty and lacking life. Because of its size, there is possibly not much that can be done to revitalise this pub, but it certainly seems as though it needs a new lease of life. Rating 3/10
35. The Queens Head - In terms of geography, this pub probably just wins the award for being the nearest pub to Brighton station, although there are 2 or 3 other pubs that can state a legitimate claim too. I broke my duck in visiting this pub earlier this year and was quite impressed with it, with the staff being friendly and the seating being comfortable, while the drinks were reasonably priced. There are other pubs in the vicinity that I prefer, but for a post-work drink near to the station, the Queens Head has a relaxing charm that makes it suitable for that occasion. Rating 6/10
36. The Railway Bell - For those of you that have not visited The Railway Bell, consider yourselves lucky. I have visited only once and walked past many hundreds of times more and these experiences are enough to tell me that my life is not void from having not returned. Aggravation seems to go hand in hand with the pub and the staff I encountered when I went there did not go out of their way to be welcoming. I have not returned for several years, but accounts I hear from others I have spoken to indicate that the place has not improved with advancing years. Rating 1/10
37. Grand Central - There are not many pubs around that can boast a theatre being upstairs, but the Grand Central is one such place. It was (and I guess still is) notable for having a roof terrace that was worth putting the world to rights in on a sunny summer's day. Inside, the pub is a little bit on the flat side and lacks some of the atmosphere that a more traditional pub tends to have. Not bad, but not great either. Rating 5/10
38. The Windmill - I remember this pub as being unique in the sense that I cannot think of any pub that had a red telephone box in its beer garden. Not sure if the box is still in the garden, but it was certainly different. The Windmill is located along Upper North Street and so tends to attract a mix of people from Seven Dials, as well as people working nearby in Western Road. The pub has a low ceiling and because of this, getting a mobile phone signal there is always a challenge. The pub has a bit edge to it which makes it not to everyone's taste, but it is decent enough to go to for a couple of pints. Rating 6/10
39. Prestonville Arms - Quiet Youngs pub situated in a backstreet between the Seven Dials and Old Shoreham Road, this is the kind of place that you could go to for a peaceful pint in midweek. I think the pub used to run a music quiz night on one night of the week that gained a cult following. I have only been there on a couple of occasions, but it seemed like a decent enough local pub, but it is a little bit out of the way for me to frequent. Rating 5/10
40. The Dyke Tavern - The curious thing about Brighton is that one area of town that is chronically lacking in pubs is the Withdean and Westdene area and so on one occasion, after having been to watch Brighton play at Withdean Stadium, in trying to find a pub showing the evening match, I had to walk all the way down Dyke Road to the Dyke Tavern before I found a suitable resting place. Apart from having a big screen, there was little reason for me to have visited the pub, which had a strange mix of customers and looked in need of a few licks of paint. Subsequently, the pub has had a makeover and is another to go down the route of targetting gastro-heads. I have no particular desire to return, however. Rating 2/10
Notable absentees: The Evening Star
This completes part 1 of my pub crawl. In part 2, I will mention which North Laine and town centre pubs I have visited, before moving on to the Hove pubs in my later instalments.
Deciding on what should make the list though required some basic guidelines. The question I was posed was "how many pubs had I visited in Brighton and Hove", so it was only right and proper that the boundaries I confined my retrospective pub crawl to remained in that area. Therefore, pubs that I have visited in Shoreham-By-Sea, Lewes, Burgess Hill and Hassocks are not included in the tally. Portslade was the most obvious boundary to the west, while Telscombe Cliffs is as far as the eligibility criteria stretches to the east. The corridor around the bypass that includes Devils Dyke, Patcham and Falmer were what I settled on as being the appropriate boundary. As for the southern boundary, I figured that anything at the other end of the blue aquatic expanse would be French terra-firma.
The other main guideline was deciding on what establishments would be eligible for a listing. If all of the watering holes I had visited followed the convention of being a classic British spit and sawdust establishment, then finding a definitive figure would have been more straightforward. The issue that presented itself was that a number of said hostelries I have visited were borderline as to whether they were bars or nightclubs. In the end, I felt that I could only list places that essentially were bars with a club, rather than clubs with a bar. Hence, I have not included such joints as Oceana (or its predecessor Event II) or the Casablanca jazz club, but I have included a couple of bars with established club nights, such as Revolution (previously The Standard) and The Arc. I have also excluded restaurants from the tally, but I have included what you might term "gastro pubs" that I have visited.
There are also certain places where I have comsumed drinks for a bar, although the primary reason for being at the venue was for another activity. I am particularly thinking of sports venues where drinks were consumed as part of day's activity or after the activity had finished. I have decided that it would be wrong to exclude such venues from the overall tally, but I have decided not to provide any rating for these venues.
As you might expect, there are some establishments that have had a refit or a name change during my years of legal drinking. Some pubs in fact have had 2 or 3 name changes in that time. I have decided, for the purposes of clarity, to just list one entry for each venue, but make a reference to the other names the venue has had where that applies.
Despite having been to a good many pubs and bars in my hitherto fourteen years of legal drinking, upon tapping into my memory bank, it would appear that there are still a good number of pubs and bars within Brighton and Hove where I have yet to sample the core products.
I will list the pubs I have visited by each area of Brighton and Hove, along with a short summary and a rating. Without giving away the total pubs/bars I have visited at this juncture, this is likely to require 3 or 4 instalments in total.
So let's get down to business. This is thirsty work though, so I'll have a pint of Guinness regular from the tap, if you don't mind.
QUEENS PARK/HANOVER AREA
1. The Hanover - Older readers will recall that this pub was once called the Queens Park Tavern and it was my local all the while I lived at home. Strangely, given that it was a local, I never set foot in the place under its old guise. The pub had a bad reputation and it was not until the pub was re-opened and re-branded as The Hanover that I paid a visit. There are examples of name changes to pubs that ruin their character, but The Hanover has been greatly enhanced by the change. It has a relaxed, chilled out atmosphere and also does some good food, particularly at weekends. The pub is spacious and uncluttered and the bad days of the QPT are a hazy memory. Rating 8/10
2. Duke of Beaufort - Situated on the corner of Queens Park Road and Islingword Road, almost opposite the iconic Pepper Pot, the Duke is a no-frills pub that I think has had the same owners for the whole time since I first set foot in the establishment over 10 years ago. The pub is perhaps best known for having a Thai restaurant upstairs, although I cannot say that I have had the pleasure. The pub has all the usual pub amenities such as a big screen, digital jukebox and a pool table (it had one in its beer garden at one point) but on the downside, it has also inherited some of the clientele that previously frequented the Queens Park Tavern. Nothing terribly bad about the pub, but not as appealing as some other places that are nearby. Rating 4/10
3. Walmer Castle - If The Hanover is a prime example of how a pub can be positively transformed by a refit, then sadly the Walmer Castle is the polar opposite. I used to regard the Walmer Castle as the best of Hanover's many fine hostelries when it had a vibrant, outlandish exterior and a calm and relaxing interior, including two fish tanks which added well to the ambience. It was the perfect place to unwind on a slow Sunday after a heavy Saturday night. A refit late last year, however, has stripped the place of its character with the bright exterior replaced by a dull grey, while the inside has become a soulless and deserted place. Sad when it happens, but the Walmer has fallen upon hard times. Rating 8/10 pre-refit, 3/10 now
4. The Racehorse Inn - Pub at the junction of Queens Park Road and Elm Grove which has recently had a name change, with the new pub setting itself out to be a food oriented venue. I have not visited the new venue and in fact only visited its predecessor once, when I did not find the place to be a welcoming or luxuriating location. Rating 3/10
5. The Constant Service - This pub used to very deliberately set itself as a no-frills and no-gimmicks pub that just knew how to serve a good pint. In recent times, the pub has moved a little from its original standpoint and now has a couple of television screens that broadcast live sport. As a Harvey's pub, it also retains a following among the local real ale drinkers. Overall, a friendly and cheerful pub with a pleasant courtyard for drinking on those warm summer days. Rating 7/10
6. The Horse & Groom - Another example of a pub that never recovered from an ownership change. This used to be a regular haunt of mine on Sunday afternoons in the early part of the noughties for the Super Sunday football and a few pints of Boddingtons (a beer served in very few pubs in Brighton or Hove). The licensees had run the pub for over 10 years but when they moved out of the area around 5 years ago, sadly the pub's fortunes rapidly ran south. After an incident in which thieves attempted to steal beer from the cellar, it was long after that the pub closed altogether. A great shame as the H&G was a vibrant and lively alehouse when I first sampled it and it also had 2 memorable features that made it stand out. These being the deliberate wall of graffiti in the men's toilets and the lovely warm, open fire on winter days. Rating 7/10 pre-ownership change, 2/10 afterwards
7. The London Unity - This pub is a few doors down from the now closed Horse & Groom yet its clientele and atmosphere could almost be a million miles away. Whereas the H&G was the classic spit and sawdust establishment, The London Unity is well known as a vibrant, student oriented venue with regular live music and DJs playing at the venue. I have not visited the place for a few years now, but I can remember back in the day that it was a very cramped and busy venue on Friday nights when a DJ was playing. Despite this, the pub also retained a slightly homely feel, with a range of board games being available to play in the back room. If you dislike noisy pubs, this place is probably not for you, but it is definitely a place for the latest crop of freshers to check out. Rating 7/10
8. The Cobden Arms - I tend to find pubs situated in backstreets are either hidden gems or insular, cliquey dives that time forgot. Sadly, in the case of the Cobden Arms, my two visits have led me to believe that this place belongs in the second category. All of us at some time or another will have experienced that feeling of being stared at as a stranger on someone else's patch. This particular experience came when I visited the Cobden Arms for the first time. I was half expecting the landlord to set an Alsatian on me and force me to leave the premises due to me being this illegal alien invading their space. Avoid like the plague. Rating 1/10
9. Reservoir - Like the Cobden Arms, this place is found in one of the backstreets lying between Islingword Road and Elm Grove. Unlike the Cobden Arms, it is quite a decent watering hole, although first impressions could leave you feeling a little bit cold. The pub is a little bit soulless as it does not have the feel of a traditional pub and it is also a pub that is largely deserted during daylight hours. Yet, this strangely makes the Reservoir a good place to unwind for a quiet drink away from the hustle and bustle and it has a small, but perfectly formed beer garden. The place also tends to come alive on Friday and Saturday nights, with it being popular with young professionals and students. Not the most atmospheric of pubs, but it is quite a welcoming place to unwind for a couple of pints before heading somewhere bigger and brasher. Rating 7/10
10. The Pub With No Name - The pub with the identity crisis is actually a lot more savvy than it sounds. Hell's own hill Southover Street helpfully has five pubs on it to retire to for a much needed rest, with the Pub With No Name situated at the very top of both the hill and the billing. There is a lot to like about the place which seems to be popular with both families venturing out for Sunday lunch and weekend sports fans watching the match on the big screen. The mixture of the 2 groups is not always an easy alliance, but the welcoming nature of the pub and its well spread layout means that generally it is not a major problem. The drinks are relatively inexpensive compared to other places in the area and the food is popular too. Rating 8/10
11. Sir Charles Napier - Southover Street pubs seem to have something for everybody and the Sir Charles Napier is the pub for the more traditional alehouse drinker and it generally serves an older clientele. It is renowned as a pub that is a keen supporter of real ale and so several of the beers available on tap are relatively unheralded regional ales. This makes the pub very popular in CAMRA pub guides and the like and it does have the feel of a local's local. Those that are looking for a bit more vibrancy and action, however, will find that this place is not for them. Quirky, but not really a pub for the fashionistas. Rating 5/10
12. Dover Castle - Situated on the next turning down from the Sir Charles Napier, the Dover Castle is the complete antithesis. This is very much a student oriented pub and it does not have the spit and sawdust feel that its near neighbour has. This makes it off-putting for some, but I think it actually works to its advantage. The pub used to get (and I imagine still does) very busy on Friday and Saturday nights and it has certain parallels with the London Unity in its vibrancy and liking for DJs. Like other pubs in Hanover, it is the kind of pub that you would have a couple of drinks in rather than stay for a whole evening, but it is not a bad starting point for an evening out. Rating 6/10
13. The Greys - Alehouse fanatics in the area will know that The Greys is situated directly opposite The Geese and that the two pubs have what might be termed as a friendly rivalry. The Greys tends to be quite popular with the local culture vultures and the pub has been known to put on both live music and have poetry evenings. I have only visited the place a couple of times myself, but was quite struck by how unspoilt the place was. For those that want to avoid pubs with televisions, music and pub games, The Greys is the perfect antidote for you and it also has a highly acclaimed kitchen. Not been back for a while, but it is no indictment on the pub. Rating 7/10
14. The Geese - Directly opposite The Greys and generally attracts a younger audience and is particularly popular when live football is shown at the venue. Word of warning though, the place can sometimes get quite cramped on such days, not helped by how small and narrow the gangway is around by the bar. Traditionally an Irish pub, you can always be certain of a decent pint of Guinness at The Geese, which always goes down well with me. There just seems to be a missing ingredient to this place that I cannot quite put my finger on and so I tend to visit other pubs in the area as a rule. Rating 5/10
15. The Albion Inn - Albion Hill has four pubs situated on it, if you include the Walmer Castle at the very top of the road. Sadly, there is little to recommend in any of them and one visit to The Albion Inn was more than enough for me. My experience of visiting was similar to the one I experienced at the Cobden Arms and again it is the very definition of the locals' local. But even the locals seem to have deserted the place now. If you have never visited the pub, count yourself fortunate. Rating 1/10
16. Spread Eagle - There is one thing I liked about this pub and that was the colour of the exterior, a rich shade of green. Apart from that, there is very little else to recommend about the pub just further down from the aforementioned Albion Inn. The pub has become a victim of the recession and has been closed for several months. Forgive my churlishness, but I doubt anyone has noticed. Rating 1/10
17. The Setting Sun - For people that like a settle in a beer garden on a summer's afternoon, I cannot think of a pub garden anywhere in Brighton or Hove that is better to chill out in. Situated at the top of a steep hill, you can view all of Brighton's famous landmarks whilst sitting in the Setting Sun's beer garden. Like the Walmer Castle, this place used to be a hair of the dog location on a Sunday morning after the Saturday night before. The pub can be almost deserted on school nights, but it tends to flourish at weekends during the summer months. Has friendly bar staff and a homely feel to the pub as though you are sitting in someone's living room. If spicy food is your thing, this place always used to tick the boxes too. Not been back for a while, but should imagine it still retains its best features. Rating 7/10
18. The Cuthbert - This pub is no longer called The Cuthbert and has recently been turned into a gastro-pub, which I must admit seems like a curious decision given its location in a residential area between Queens Park and Craven Vale. The old Cuthbert was a slightly strange pub, mixing local hardened drinkers with young families wanting to make use of the beer garden. The garden was by far the best feature of the pub, being both spacious and also providing good views of Craven Vale and the Whitehawk hills. The pub was never the most welcoming of places and it will be interesting to see how its successor does given that its location means it will not draw that many clientele from outside the area. Rating 5/10 (as The Cuthbert)
19. The Cornerstone - This is a pub that has had a number of name changes over the years, starting out as The Admrial Napier, before becoming The Flying Pig and then The Sun before finally settling on its current name around 4 or 5 years ago. The Cornerstone is quite a cosy pub to retire to of an evening and it has some comfortable seating as well as the opportunity to prop up the bar. Apart from background music, the venue does not really do mod-cons, but it relies on its clientele to provide the atmosphere. On a quiet night, it can seem quite flat. Far worse places in the area though. Rating 6/10
20. The Wellington - My hazy memory has some recollection of having visited this pub in Elm Grove just the once on the way home from work several years ago. I think I may have stopped for one drink, decided the place was so dull and then left. This is renowned as more of a traditional drinker's haven which tends to mean you will either love the place or give it a wide berth, depending on your viewpoint. As I have not returned since my only visit, you can see where I stand. Rating 3/10
Notable absentees: The Montreal Arms, The Winner, Freshfield Inn
BRIGHTON STATION/SEVEN DIALS
21. The Tin Drum - Local franchise The Tin Drum has 4 or 5 pubs in the Brighton area where it differentiates itself from the traditional type of pub by offering table service for both drinks and food. The Tin Drum's origins are Polish and this is reflected in both their food menu and some of the drinks available from the bar. The place is a little bit on the expensive side, and food wise, they are not always the most generous with their portions. But, the service is always friendly, it is a pub you can retire to with your laptop to finish your work and there are also a good range of books and newspapers to choose from and a couple of leather sofas to recline on. A trip for fried breakfast on a Saturday morning while reading the Saturday supplements is recommended. Rating 7/10
22. The Crescent - Pub situated next to the Streamline taxi office on Clifton Hill and which is a popular after-work haunt for people working in the area. Has the feel of a very traditional pub with snug style seating in areas of the pub, plus a reasonably sized beer garden with further seating on the pavement at the front of the pub. People that tend to take the 'less is more' attitude with regards to pubs will probably warm to this place. Rating 7/10
23. The Good Companions - Here is a pub that holds many memories for me. I used to go to sixth form college just up the road and so many a free period in my college days was spent in this pub. Purely in the name of research, you will understand. Fast forward eight years and this pub would become my local, once I moved to the Seven Dials area. At first, the pub had not changed at all in the intervening period and still in fact had the same owners. In the five and a half years I have resided in the area since though, the pub has gone through three changes of ownership and two refits, in a bid to rid itself of undesirable customers. The latest change of ownership has seen the pub discontinue its showing of Sky Sports, which I think may prove to detrimental to its revenues at weekends. A pub with plenty of potential, if only it could attract the right customers. Also a pub where the earth regularly moves, owing the Hove to Brighton railway line going straight under the pub, hence the train on the sign outside. Rating 6/10
24. The Chimney House (formerly the Marquess of Exeter) - As the Marquess of Exeter, I visited this establishment on my final day at sixth form college when the pub resembled a place that time forgot with its dishevelled carpet and portable television. A decade later, I returned to discover that the Marquess was no more and that the pub had become a gastro-pub by the name of The Chimney House. The pub seemed pleasant enough, although a little bit short on atmosphere. I have not been back again since, but I would regard this to be a pub that is most suitable for having a couple of leisurely drinks and a spot of lunch in at the weekend. Rating 6/10 as Chimney House, 3/10 as Marquess of Exeter
25. Shakespeare's Head - There are 2 pubs in Brighton by this name, but the superior pub is the one located just down the hill from the Seven Dials. Although the pub is not the biggest place and subsequently it can get rather cramped on weekend nights, the pub retains some good qualities. Top of the list being its food menu, with the pub particularly noted for its sausage menu. I can also vouch for the good quality of their Sunday roasts. Although a compact pub, it is a pleasant place to relax over a pint or five and a popular venue for works drinks. Rating 7/10
26. The West Hill (formerly The Belle Vue) - This pub changed its name around eighteen months ago having previously been long established as the Belle Vue. As the Belle Vue, the venue was well renowned as being one of the few conventional pubs with a late licence at weekends, usually closing at 3 am on Friday and Saturday nights. I am not sure if this remains the case, but previously this resulted in the pub being vibrant and busy in the early hours, but conversely, it would be empty during daylight hours. Due to doing its best trade in the small hours, this occasionally meant the pub got a few people that had not paced themselves well by the end of the evening. Being a pub that stayed open late though was the main selling point, otherwise there were no outstanding features. Rating 5/10
27. Zuma - The site of a former bank at the Seven Dials junction, this kind of has the feel of a "trendy wine bar", with a quirky and arty feel to the way in which the bar is laid out. From recollection, the drinks there were a little bit on the pricey side, but the place seemed reasonably popular with a good mix of people present. Rating 5/10
28. Couch/The Rat & Trumpet - Back in the mists of time, this place just down from Seven Dials was called The Compton Arms and had a reputation for being a trouble spot. Subsequently, the pub has gone on to have three re-brandings, the latest of which sees it called 'Foggs'. As Couch and The Rat and Trumpet, the venue very rarely seemed to attract regular punters and lacked the friendly charm that the best pubs in the area have. The challenge as 'Foggs' remains in its location and I cannot see the new name making this hostelry any more appealing. Rating 2/10
29. The Battle of Trafalgar - One of my favourite retreats in my part of town, The Battle of Traf is the ideal 'hair of the dog' pub in the Dials/station area. The pub has a couple of in-house chefs and the pub is particularly well known for its Sunday roasts, which this author has sampled on several occasions. Apart from one minor criticism at the chef's penchant for peas, there is little fault to find in the Battle's menu. The pub has a homely feel with a round dining table in one corner, plus a cosy fireplace surrounded by some old hardback books. If the fireplace is the vantage point of choice in winter, then the beer garden is the place to be in summer and it is one of the best beer gardens to have a cool beer with your friends in the warmer months. A very good pub for all seasons and occasions. Rating 9/10
30. Sussex Yeoman - The Sussex Yeoman is located directly opposite the Trafalgar and is another pub well regarded for its food menu. I first encountered this pub when I was at university and ended up in there one day after lectures. Since those days, the pub has tidied itself up after it had a re-fit when it changed hands a few years ago. The pub has got some comfortable seating and is generally a busy and popular haunt on a Friday or Saturday night. There are other pubs I prefer in the area, but the Yeoman has a lot going for it. Rating 6/10
31. The Eddy - Another pub that has had a few names in its time, although in my drinking years, it has mainly been known as The Eddy or its predecessor, The Tap & Spile. I did not sample the pub when it was the Tap & Spile, but as The Eddy, the pub has carved itself a niche as a pub that attracts young professional types and as a sports bar with a big screen, it tends to be at its busiest on Sunday afternoons for big football matches. The Eddy also has an extensive food menu, although I have not eaten there myself. A decent pub and for those that are looking for somewhere to watch televised football at the weekend, this offers a plausible option. Rating 6/10
32. Duke of Wellington - Sometimes there are pubs that you become attached to and which add up to more than the sum of their parts. The Duke is one such place. In some senses, the pub defies convention because the only food it serves are pizzas, plus sandwiches and baguettes on Brighton & Hove Albion match days, whose supporters frequent the pub pre-kick off, while its beer garden is essentially a very small patio. Where the pub scores high though is in terms of its welcoming charm. When I was first introduced to the pub over 10 years ago by a university friend, the pub was a family run pub with a close knit set of regulars who would very quickly learn your name. Only one member of the family remains involved in running the pub and some of the regulars of yesteryear have moved on to be replaced by some new faces, but the Duke has retained its character. The pub had a major refit three and a half years ago and lost some of its regulars in the aftermath. However, the Duke has gradually rediscovered its mojo and is always a good place to prop up the bar and watch televised sport. Its Sunday night quiz nights are good craic too. Definitely one for the shortlist of best Brightonian boozers. Rating 9/10
33. Caxton Arms - Here is a pub that is a good example of a hidden gem tucked up a Brighton backstreet. This is another place with fond memories for me as it was the location of my works leaving do after leaving my previous job after six and a half years. Situated in the road that runs parallel to Queens Road, this pub's name pays homage to the man who invented the printing press and there are little decorative props in the pub that pay further homage. The pub has 2 bar rooms, with the back room also having a pool table and book case and has also occasionally had a television screen. In addition, the Caxton offers a range of traditional British pub grub until 9:00 pm most nights. Despite being in a backstreet, this pub gets very busy after work on a Friday night and is also popular at weekends. That is a sign of the Caxton's quality and I always look forward to a visit there. Rating 9/10
34. Royal Standard - This is a tiny pub that is situated on Queens Road just down from Brighton station. I have some recollection of a visit to this pub on St Patrick's Day a decade ago when they were serving Irish stew. The stew was delicious, but subsequent visits to the Royal Standard have been somewhat underwhelming. Generally, the pub seems to be pretty empty and lacking life. Because of its size, there is possibly not much that can be done to revitalise this pub, but it certainly seems as though it needs a new lease of life. Rating 3/10
35. The Queens Head - In terms of geography, this pub probably just wins the award for being the nearest pub to Brighton station, although there are 2 or 3 other pubs that can state a legitimate claim too. I broke my duck in visiting this pub earlier this year and was quite impressed with it, with the staff being friendly and the seating being comfortable, while the drinks were reasonably priced. There are other pubs in the vicinity that I prefer, but for a post-work drink near to the station, the Queens Head has a relaxing charm that makes it suitable for that occasion. Rating 6/10
36. The Railway Bell - For those of you that have not visited The Railway Bell, consider yourselves lucky. I have visited only once and walked past many hundreds of times more and these experiences are enough to tell me that my life is not void from having not returned. Aggravation seems to go hand in hand with the pub and the staff I encountered when I went there did not go out of their way to be welcoming. I have not returned for several years, but accounts I hear from others I have spoken to indicate that the place has not improved with advancing years. Rating 1/10
37. Grand Central - There are not many pubs around that can boast a theatre being upstairs, but the Grand Central is one such place. It was (and I guess still is) notable for having a roof terrace that was worth putting the world to rights in on a sunny summer's day. Inside, the pub is a little bit on the flat side and lacks some of the atmosphere that a more traditional pub tends to have. Not bad, but not great either. Rating 5/10
38. The Windmill - I remember this pub as being unique in the sense that I cannot think of any pub that had a red telephone box in its beer garden. Not sure if the box is still in the garden, but it was certainly different. The Windmill is located along Upper North Street and so tends to attract a mix of people from Seven Dials, as well as people working nearby in Western Road. The pub has a low ceiling and because of this, getting a mobile phone signal there is always a challenge. The pub has a bit edge to it which makes it not to everyone's taste, but it is decent enough to go to for a couple of pints. Rating 6/10
39. Prestonville Arms - Quiet Youngs pub situated in a backstreet between the Seven Dials and Old Shoreham Road, this is the kind of place that you could go to for a peaceful pint in midweek. I think the pub used to run a music quiz night on one night of the week that gained a cult following. I have only been there on a couple of occasions, but it seemed like a decent enough local pub, but it is a little bit out of the way for me to frequent. Rating 5/10
40. The Dyke Tavern - The curious thing about Brighton is that one area of town that is chronically lacking in pubs is the Withdean and Westdene area and so on one occasion, after having been to watch Brighton play at Withdean Stadium, in trying to find a pub showing the evening match, I had to walk all the way down Dyke Road to the Dyke Tavern before I found a suitable resting place. Apart from having a big screen, there was little reason for me to have visited the pub, which had a strange mix of customers and looked in need of a few licks of paint. Subsequently, the pub has had a makeover and is another to go down the route of targetting gastro-heads. I have no particular desire to return, however. Rating 2/10
Notable absentees: The Evening Star
This completes part 1 of my pub crawl. In part 2, I will mention which North Laine and town centre pubs I have visited, before moving on to the Hove pubs in my later instalments.
Playlists 23 to 26 - D & E
PLAYLIST #23
Moby - Dream About Me
Newton Faulkner - Dream Catch Me
Blondie - Dreaming
The Coral - Dreaming Of You
The Cranberries - Dreams
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Travis - Driftwood
The Cars - Drive
REM - Drive
The Beatles - Drive My Car
Garbage - Drive You Home
Madness - Driving In My Car
Madonna - Drowned World
The Verve - The Drugs Don't Work
PLAYLIST #24
Garbage - Dumb
Ladyhawke - Dusk Till Dawn
Mumford & Sons - Dust Bowl Dance
The Killers - A Dustland Fairytale
White Lies - EST
Ryan Adams - Easy Plateau
Martha & The Muffins - Echo Beach
Klaxons - Echoes
Dolores O'Riordan - Ecstasy
The Kooks - Eddie's Gun
Regina Spektor - Eet
The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
Squeeze - Electric Trains
U2 - Electrical Storm
Stone Roses - Elephant Stone
PLAYLIST #25
The Beatles - Eight Days A Week
Rachael Yamagata - Elephants
U2 - Elevation
Madness - Embarrassment
Jamiroquai - Emergency On Planet Earth
Corinne Bailey Rae - Enchantment
Don Henley - The End Of The Innocence
Muse - Endlessly
Snow Patrol - Engines
Nerina Pallot - English
Metallica - Enter Sandman
The Killers - Enterlude
Delphic - Ephemera
The Cardigans - Erase/Rewind
The Coral - Eskimo Lament
Crowded House - Even A Child
PLAYLIST #26
The Jam - The Eton Rifles
U2 - Even Better Than The Real Thing
Manic Street Preachers - The Everlasting
Echo & The Bunnymen - Everlasting Neverendless
Moby - Everloving
Sheryl Crow - Every Day Is A Winding Road
The Noisettes - Every Now And Then
Richard Ashcroft - Everybody
Keane - Everybody's Changing
Nerina Pallot - Everybody's Gone To War
The Kinks - Everybody's Gonna Be Happy
Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World
Kaiser Chiefs - Everyday I Love You Less And Less
Morrissey - Everyday Is Like Sunday
Texas - Everyday Now
Moby - Dream About Me
Newton Faulkner - Dream Catch Me
Blondie - Dreaming
The Coral - Dreaming Of You
The Cranberries - Dreams
Fleetwood Mac - Dreams
Travis - Driftwood
The Cars - Drive
REM - Drive
The Beatles - Drive My Car
Garbage - Drive You Home
Madness - Driving In My Car
Madonna - Drowned World
The Verve - The Drugs Don't Work
PLAYLIST #24
Garbage - Dumb
Ladyhawke - Dusk Till Dawn
Mumford & Sons - Dust Bowl Dance
The Killers - A Dustland Fairytale
White Lies - EST
Ryan Adams - Easy Plateau
Martha & The Muffins - Echo Beach
Klaxons - Echoes
Dolores O'Riordan - Ecstasy
The Kooks - Eddie's Gun
Regina Spektor - Eet
The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby
Squeeze - Electric Trains
U2 - Electrical Storm
Stone Roses - Elephant Stone
PLAYLIST #25
The Beatles - Eight Days A Week
Rachael Yamagata - Elephants
U2 - Elevation
Madness - Embarrassment
Jamiroquai - Emergency On Planet Earth
Corinne Bailey Rae - Enchantment
Don Henley - The End Of The Innocence
Muse - Endlessly
Snow Patrol - Engines
Nerina Pallot - English
Metallica - Enter Sandman
The Killers - Enterlude
Delphic - Ephemera
The Cardigans - Erase/Rewind
The Coral - Eskimo Lament
Crowded House - Even A Child
PLAYLIST #26
The Jam - The Eton Rifles
U2 - Even Better Than The Real Thing
Manic Street Preachers - The Everlasting
Echo & The Bunnymen - Everlasting Neverendless
Moby - Everloving
Sheryl Crow - Every Day Is A Winding Road
The Noisettes - Every Now And Then
Richard Ashcroft - Everybody
Keane - Everybody's Changing
Nerina Pallot - Everybody's Gone To War
The Kinks - Everybody's Gonna Be Happy
Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World
Kaiser Chiefs - Everyday I Love You Less And Less
Morrissey - Everyday Is Like Sunday
Texas - Everyday Now
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